Saturday, November 29, 2014

ObamaCare And Doesn't


One Year Exemptions

Suffers of CFLS (chronically feel like shit) can keep their plans or go without for another year since nothing seems to help.

People afflicted with WITAM (Why is it always me?) can whine about something else for a year.

Someone with your last name died this year. (Requires picture of dated gravestone or obit)

Still paying off flat screen TV or upgrade of content provider. (Copy of bill)

Spouse withholding oral sex. (Believe me, we understand)

You meet Federal requirements for Medicaid but the state in which you reside is still fighting the Civil War.

ISIS or ISIL has overrun your neighborhood. (Include video of local beheadings with application)

You have been quarantined for Ebola.

Three year Extensions

Zombies without full time employment 

Vampires with legal residence 

Brain and other major organ transplant patients (Frankensteins)

Don Arrup
Satire1

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Upcoming Headlines For December 2014


House Republicans Pass Wide Array Of New Taxes

Senate Democrats Cut Spending

FDA Declares E-Cigarettes Healthier Than Breathing

President Obama Takes Action Somewhere In Middle East

Texas Neighbors Have Ebola Envy

Sunnis And Shia Muslims Bury Hatchet

Israel And Palestinians Cut Border Deal

Putin Declares We're All Ukrainians

American Youth Tire Of Electronics

NYC Rents Decline For Second Month In A Row

American Seniors Illegally Cross Mexican Border In Search Of Prescription Drug Deals

Don Arrup
Satire1

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Voting Rights 2014


Satire1 took a poll of voters from around the nation on today's Midterm Election Day to see if they felt in any way encumbered, disenfranchised or castrated in the exercise of their constitutional right. All quotes are anonymous.

"This man stopped me at the entrance of the polling place and asked me my name. I told him  I can't afford one since they closed the mill. Everybody just calls me asshole."

"I can't believe they have doors on the polling building. These are supposed to be open to the public and they put doors right where people are supposed to go in? What were they thinking?"

"There was a woman holding a baby on her hip and you know that baby was influencing her vote. She probably wants to spend my tax dollars on education, playgrounds, hospitals and other welfare programs."

"How come Jesus Christ isn't on this ballot? I'm not voting for the Devil!"

"I don't have an ID because my parents were zombies."

"I don't have an ID because my parents are from Mars."

"What do I need with an ID? The man just gave me a whole bottle to vote for what's his name."

"Hey, I fought in Civil World 2 and Koreanam and my glasses suck. These apple shiners want my vote they got to come in here and let me feel their mugs."

"It's time we let some other species run the planet."

"You get elected by telling everybody Washington is the worst place on Earth and then they send you there."

Don Arrup
Satire1