Satire1 asks all of its readers who are still employed to direct their charitable contributions to Bank of America in Charlotte, North Carolina so that they may continue their important lobbying effort to block consumer protections from becoming law. Our failure to properly fund this cause could result in a reduction of multi-million dollar bonuses so needed by the people who stole your children’s future.
I don’t know where to send the troops. The whole world terrifies me.
People are starting to pull 2010 on me. I don’t believe in 2010 yet. I can’t see the end of 2009. I haven’t survived it.
A rose by any other name would not smell as sweet. It’d smell like feet.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Lobbyists Versus Activists
I tend to fear lobbyists less than activists. Lobbyists just want to rob us. Activists want to tell us how to live. Now, it is true that the robbing lobbyists do tends to be perpetual. The hand goes in our pockets and never comes out. I consider it just another not being rich tax.
Activists, on the other hand (the one not in your pocket), want to have us by the throat. They want to tell us what we can do with our bodies, who we can marry, what we can ingest, where we can smoke and which human needs are legitimate and which are socialist.
Lobbyists bribe. Activists cry.
Lobbyists write checks. Activists write letters.
Lobbyists burn in Hell. Activists make our lives Hell.
*Readers are invited to add their comparisons through the Comment Function.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Activists, on the other hand (the one not in your pocket), want to have us by the throat. They want to tell us what we can do with our bodies, who we can marry, what we can ingest, where we can smoke and which human needs are legitimate and which are socialist.
Lobbyists bribe. Activists cry.
Lobbyists write checks. Activists write letters.
Lobbyists burn in Hell. Activists make our lives Hell.
*Readers are invited to add their comparisons through the Comment Function.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Afghan Corruption A Bargain By Wahsington Standards
Administration officials admitted yesterday that efforts to control corruption in the Afghan government of President Hamid Karzai have failed but noted that Kabul still remains a bargain when compared to Washington.
“In Washington the banking and financial industry have to spend $8000 per congressman to continue to rob the country. In Afghanistan you can own a legislator for a tenth of that.”
Obama defended President Karzai’s policies. “What our critics are calling corruption I call revenue. We can’t stop their drug trade but the bribes at least act as a tax on Afghanistan’s only thriving industry besides death. If you want to attract quality people to their government service then you do what Wall Street does to hold on to the best and the brightest. You let them steal.”
“When Halliburton and the other thieves go into a village the wash of your tax dollars acts as a economic stimulus. The American people have to accept that the only functioning economy Afghanistan has is drugs, mercenaries, terrorism and rugs. Rampant corruption assures that not all of the aid we send will end up in Karzai’s pocket as he jets out of the country the moment we pull our support and his shamocracy collapses.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“In Washington the banking and financial industry have to spend $8000 per congressman to continue to rob the country. In Afghanistan you can own a legislator for a tenth of that.”
Obama defended President Karzai’s policies. “What our critics are calling corruption I call revenue. We can’t stop their drug trade but the bribes at least act as a tax on Afghanistan’s only thriving industry besides death. If you want to attract quality people to their government service then you do what Wall Street does to hold on to the best and the brightest. You let them steal.”
“When Halliburton and the other thieves go into a village the wash of your tax dollars acts as a economic stimulus. The American people have to accept that the only functioning economy Afghanistan has is drugs, mercenaries, terrorism and rugs. Rampant corruption assures that not all of the aid we send will end up in Karzai’s pocket as he jets out of the country the moment we pull our support and his shamocracy collapses.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Gay Couples Stealing Straight Babies
Reports are pouring in from states that recognize same sex marriage that gay couples are stealing the babies of heterosexual couples. The Federal Bigot Bureau does not keep statistics for cross sexual preference kidnapping but members of Congress are considering making the abduction of children by gay couples a federal crime.
“These gay couples are taking later born children from straight couples who they deem have more than their share and can not properly provide higher educational opportunities for,” said Matrix Opem of the FBI. “The feeling in the gay community is that children raised without a liberal arts education could grow up conservative and breed voters.”
“Sure there are some gay couples that steal babies from straight couples but most, like my partner and I, steal their babies from other gay couples. I don’t know where the lesbians got our baby but she has a very well decorated home now,” said Hiram Lebcowski, spokesperson for the Give Me Your Straight Baby Coalition. “Everyone knows sperm donation is rape and we would rather die than have our baby brought up by rapists.”
“Of course gay people steal babies from straight couples. We’re godless perverts who live to corrupt the very fabric of civilization and improve fashion sense,” said Miriam Chalk of the Lesbian Cradle Robbers Union. “We’re raising children who will not see oral sex as a favor but as a right. If the public has a problem with it let them have a plebiscite. They’re voting on whether we’re human beings or not. Let the people take up this issue as well.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“These gay couples are taking later born children from straight couples who they deem have more than their share and can not properly provide higher educational opportunities for,” said Matrix Opem of the FBI. “The feeling in the gay community is that children raised without a liberal arts education could grow up conservative and breed voters.”
“Sure there are some gay couples that steal babies from straight couples but most, like my partner and I, steal their babies from other gay couples. I don’t know where the lesbians got our baby but she has a very well decorated home now,” said Hiram Lebcowski, spokesperson for the Give Me Your Straight Baby Coalition. “Everyone knows sperm donation is rape and we would rather die than have our baby brought up by rapists.”
“Of course gay people steal babies from straight couples. We’re godless perverts who live to corrupt the very fabric of civilization and improve fashion sense,” said Miriam Chalk of the Lesbian Cradle Robbers Union. “We’re raising children who will not see oral sex as a favor but as a right. If the public has a problem with it let them have a plebiscite. They’re voting on whether we’re human beings or not. Let the people take up this issue as well.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Friday, October 30, 2009
Option Optional
Again Satire1 goes to the United States Senate to inquire how the so-called Public Option or the federal government’s alternative choice to private health insurance is coming along in the new health care reform bill.
“Well, as I see it, the Senate has three options. They can opt for the Public Option for all Americans, opt for the states to decide if they want to offer the option or offer no Public Option at all. I think we should opt to allow states the option whether to offer a public option but if it costs money I’m against it.”
“These bills are so complex and I have three bills in front of the Finance Committee. Thank god the lobbyists have already made up their minds.”
“Whatever the American people have been scared into believing will at the end of the day prevail.”
“I can’t bail out the big insurance companies again and face my electorate. So let the companies soak the taxpayers directly then taxes won’t seem so bad.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“Well, as I see it, the Senate has three options. They can opt for the Public Option for all Americans, opt for the states to decide if they want to offer the option or offer no Public Option at all. I think we should opt to allow states the option whether to offer a public option but if it costs money I’m against it.”
“These bills are so complex and I have three bills in front of the Finance Committee. Thank god the lobbyists have already made up their minds.”
“Whatever the American people have been scared into believing will at the end of the day prevail.”
“I can’t bail out the big insurance companies again and face my electorate. So let the companies soak the taxpayers directly then taxes won’t seem so bad.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Public Option
Satire1 had the chance to interview Senators from across the country while in Washington on the public option or the federal government’s alternative health care coverage that is to compete with private insurance companies and HMOs.
“I’m for the public option as long as it drops people as soon as they get sick. Otherwise its just not a level playing field.”
“I’m against the proposed public option. Even the federal government can only reach a certain level of inefficiency. People could get the care they need and swell even further our exploding Social Security rolls.”
“I don’t believe in offering the people a choice. I mean, this is America. What your boss chooses for you and your family is fine by me.”
“If the people want good health care coverage then run and win a Senate seat like I did. If you’re a convicted felon then stay in prison.”
“We have a public option for health care now. Its called join the Army.”
“AIG can be the public option. The public already owns it. Let the people rip themselves off.”
“This doesn’t have to anything to do with credit default swaps, does it?”
“I’m all for the public option. The government should offer it to anyone who buys one of our cars.”
“I say draft all the doctors and nurses who aren’t nuns.”
“Why are we messing with the only industry in the country that’s still making a buck?”
“Of course doctor owned hospitals cost Medicare three times as much per patient. Why would anybody go to medical school if not to make money?”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“I’m for the public option as long as it drops people as soon as they get sick. Otherwise its just not a level playing field.”
“I’m against the proposed public option. Even the federal government can only reach a certain level of inefficiency. People could get the care they need and swell even further our exploding Social Security rolls.”
“I don’t believe in offering the people a choice. I mean, this is America. What your boss chooses for you and your family is fine by me.”
“If the people want good health care coverage then run and win a Senate seat like I did. If you’re a convicted felon then stay in prison.”
“We have a public option for health care now. Its called join the Army.”
“AIG can be the public option. The public already owns it. Let the people rip themselves off.”
“This doesn’t have to anything to do with credit default swaps, does it?”
“I’m all for the public option. The government should offer it to anyone who buys one of our cars.”
“I say draft all the doctors and nurses who aren’t nuns.”
“Why are we messing with the only industry in the country that’s still making a buck?”
“Of course doctor owned hospitals cost Medicare three times as much per patient. Why would anybody go to medical school if not to make money?”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Friday, October 16, 2009
Take The Fall
Who cares about Health Care? We’re all going to die anyway. Whether you live to die rich or forgiven or remembered doesn’t matter. We are like the leaves on the trees. We grow, make our green and then find the rest of our colors hopefully before we fall. Where do we go when we die? In the Earth. That’s good enough.
Circumstances remain anxious. The desperate increase. The huge boulder of inevitability has been slowed by its slaughter but not stopped rolling. Who the hell ever called it a balloon? What pop blows away more households than Katrina? Well, they couldn’t afford health insurance anyway. They were always just a roller skate from the street.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Circumstances remain anxious. The desperate increase. The huge boulder of inevitability has been slowed by its slaughter but not stopped rolling. Who the hell ever called it a balloon? What pop blows away more households than Katrina? Well, they couldn’t afford health insurance anyway. They were always just a roller skate from the street.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Why Obama Won The Nobel
It is shameful to question the Nobel Prize Committee’s choice of United States President Barack Obama for the International Peace Prize. During the nine plus months of his administration President Obama has:
--Not started a new war even though it is obvious that the American people are tired of Iraq and Afghanistan.
--Bartended for a Boston Police Officer and Harvard Professor.
--Addressed the world’s Muslims and secured peace and security for the state of Israel.
--Not fought publicly with his wife First Lady Michelle Obama and ended domestic violence not only in the present but retroactively back two generations erasing scars of abuse suffered by millions of women and former children.
--Looked good in suits.
--Given the United States Congress the opportunity to make fools of themselves.
--Stood up for a College Football Bowl Championship Playoffs.
--Domesticated Rahm Emanuel at least for now.
--Given Joe Biden a job.
--Given Hilary Clinton a job.
--Extended my unemployment benefits.
Don Arrup
Satire1
--Not started a new war even though it is obvious that the American people are tired of Iraq and Afghanistan.
--Bartended for a Boston Police Officer and Harvard Professor.
--Addressed the world’s Muslims and secured peace and security for the state of Israel.
--Not fought publicly with his wife First Lady Michelle Obama and ended domestic violence not only in the present but retroactively back two generations erasing scars of abuse suffered by millions of women and former children.
--Looked good in suits.
--Given the United States Congress the opportunity to make fools of themselves.
--Stood up for a College Football Bowl Championship Playoffs.
--Domesticated Rahm Emanuel at least for now.
--Given Joe Biden a job.
--Given Hilary Clinton a job.
--Extended my unemployment benefits.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Death Default Swaps
Its financial collapse season again. The leaves on Wall Street turn from green to red while the suits turn yellow. Hello. Too much bad paper to push unreal estate so they turn to buying up life insurance payoffs. After years of bundling home loans into securities and gamboling on the solvency of this mania with credit default swaps Wall Street turns to buying up life insurance policies from those no longer needing to protect their children or spouse. They bundle the policies into securities and pay the premiums and hope that water will run uphill this time. Before, they wanted to rob you by lending you money. Now, they want you to die.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Don Arrup
Satire1
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