All life on Earth
Is derived from the Sun
Plants eat its shine
And breathe our exhaust
Thus calories are made
Graze
Yesterday was hot
Today was worse
Tomorrow unimaginable
The Sun is reminding us
Who’s boss
Enjoy the heat
Or suffer
Don Arrup
Satire1
Friday, July 22, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Deficit Dance
Obama walked out to the middle of the dance floor
Alone
Un-chaperoned
He looks at Speaker Boehner
Then winks at Senator McConnell
Holds his arms open
To air
The music’s playing
Nobody’s dancing
Crowd’s getting nervous
Obama invites them to his house
To do homework
Hang out
And plan the next dance
Then Bo and Co go
To a Tea Party
And don’t ask O along
O says if nobody dances with him
Next new moon
He’s turning the music off
Where is the love?
Soldiers dying
Neighbors crying
Coworkers fired
Is this the best we can do?
McConnell has an idea
Everyone stands on the edge
Of the dance floor
And grooves
Before the ceiling caves in
Don Arrup
Satire1
Alone
Un-chaperoned
He looks at Speaker Boehner
Then winks at Senator McConnell
Holds his arms open
To air
The music’s playing
Nobody’s dancing
Crowd’s getting nervous
Obama invites them to his house
To do homework
Hang out
And plan the next dance
Then Bo and Co go
To a Tea Party
And don’t ask O along
O says if nobody dances with him
Next new moon
He’s turning the music off
Where is the love?
Soldiers dying
Neighbors crying
Coworkers fired
Is this the best we can do?
McConnell has an idea
Everyone stands on the edge
Of the dance floor
And grooves
Before the ceiling caves in
Don Arrup
Satire1
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Summer Vacation Deals 2011
Middle East Revolution Tour
Dodge bullets. Battle helicopter gun ships and be part of history. Luxury suites at world class hotels available at bargain basement prices throughout the upheaval.
European Basket Case Cruise
See Hitler’s job done as Mediterranean countries collapse to German frugality and get a preview of America in 2012 when Republicans cut government services back to the Stone Age.
Mexican Gang War Adventure
Get insider deals to your favorite narcotics while enjoying a reenactment of Roaring Twenties violence on an epic scale. In Spanish with American bullets.
Japanese Disaster Parks
Missed Hiroshima and Nagasaki? See what the real mother did when nature unleashed her fury on the coast of Nippon.
Chinese Pollution Parks
Watch our creditor scramble to put out rivers on fire while wading through air you can pluck with a chopstick.
Epicurean Extinction Excursion
Visit illegal restaurants across the globe serving endangered species. Where the rich play god for real.
Holy Land Sex Slave Trade Holiday
Get your religion and your rocks off too in brothels packed with pretty “masseuses” from the former Soviet Union.
Mid West Tornado Whirl
Be swept up in the amusement park that covers four states. You may not land in Oz but you’ll be in for a hell of a ride.
Mississippi Flood Party Barge
Join Old Man River on a paddlewheel BBQ over whole congressional districts that have since turned to mud parks.
Rustbelt Poorism Pilgrimage
America of tomorrow can be seen today in crumbling cities and towns where corporations have shipped jobs to other solar systems.
Land The Banks Forgot Bleisure Trip
Invest in what’s left of the mess of Florida and Arizona real estate while enjoying sunshine and others desperation.
Bring the whole family. Let them marvel at reality!
Don Arrup
Satire1
Dodge bullets. Battle helicopter gun ships and be part of history. Luxury suites at world class hotels available at bargain basement prices throughout the upheaval.
European Basket Case Cruise
See Hitler’s job done as Mediterranean countries collapse to German frugality and get a preview of America in 2012 when Republicans cut government services back to the Stone Age.
Mexican Gang War Adventure
Get insider deals to your favorite narcotics while enjoying a reenactment of Roaring Twenties violence on an epic scale. In Spanish with American bullets.
Japanese Disaster Parks
Missed Hiroshima and Nagasaki? See what the real mother did when nature unleashed her fury on the coast of Nippon.
Chinese Pollution Parks
Watch our creditor scramble to put out rivers on fire while wading through air you can pluck with a chopstick.
Epicurean Extinction Excursion
Visit illegal restaurants across the globe serving endangered species. Where the rich play god for real.
Holy Land Sex Slave Trade Holiday
Get your religion and your rocks off too in brothels packed with pretty “masseuses” from the former Soviet Union.
Mid West Tornado Whirl
Be swept up in the amusement park that covers four states. You may not land in Oz but you’ll be in for a hell of a ride.
Mississippi Flood Party Barge
Join Old Man River on a paddlewheel BBQ over whole congressional districts that have since turned to mud parks.
Rustbelt Poorism Pilgrimage
America of tomorrow can be seen today in crumbling cities and towns where corporations have shipped jobs to other solar systems.
Land The Banks Forgot Bleisure Trip
Invest in what’s left of the mess of Florida and Arizona real estate while enjoying sunshine and others desperation.
Bring the whole family. Let them marvel at reality!
Don Arrup
Satire1
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Hot Night Blues
Yesterday it was fun being an American
Yesterday I was free
And there were fireworks
We watched them on TV
The grill was hot
The beer was cold
Kids marched around
Sparklers and ka-boom
I was a free American yesterday
Today I’m just an American
And I don’t feel so free
Is it just me?
Or is it most of the country?
I hope it’s just me
Half the country hates the president
The other half hates the one before
That’s nothing new for us
The U.S. doesn’t stand for us
Nobody believes there is an us
In the US
Everybody talks about them
And you have to listen a while
To know which them they mean
Mean
Nothing new for the US or us
Founding Fathers spread rumors
Shot each other
Hated each other to their graves
Only Adams and Jefferson made up
Then died on the same Independence Day
Don Arrup
Satire1
Yesterday I was free
And there were fireworks
We watched them on TV
The grill was hot
The beer was cold
Kids marched around
Sparklers and ka-boom
I was a free American yesterday
Today I’m just an American
And I don’t feel so free
Is it just me?
Or is it most of the country?
I hope it’s just me
Half the country hates the president
The other half hates the one before
That’s nothing new for us
The U.S. doesn’t stand for us
Nobody believes there is an us
In the US
Everybody talks about them
And you have to listen a while
To know which them they mean
Mean
Nothing new for the US or us
Founding Fathers spread rumors
Shot each other
Hated each other to their graves
Only Adams and Jefferson made up
Then died on the same Independence Day
Don Arrup
Satire1
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Poems For The Last Day Of School
BEHIND THE DESK
Nine months behind the desk
Outside the Sun shines
Preparing for nine lives
Behind the desk
Career promotion bills
Better than just the chair
Principal’s office, witness box, electric
Teach the children well
That Life is Hell
And the work is never done
Run outside today
If you are young
And still believe in fun
I’ll be here
Behind the desk
Waiting
For you to replace me
NO VACATE
My whole life has become a job
And I don’t like the boss
Never satisfied
Can’t mention raise
Or a day off
Endless depression
One-man recession
Hairline
Bottom line
Only my belt stretches
At least I can’t get fired
Or laid off
But I also can’t retire
Only expire
Dead end job me
SUCK ME
Humans
Second on the food chain
Elevated by mosquitoes
Since we’re the baldest blood bags
No fur or fuss
No scale or hide
To obstruct
The suck
They annoy us
To frustrate and inspire us
Keep us hungry
So much do they control us
We buzz about
Growing food
Working for food
Buying food
Take out
Drive in
Make out
Sin sin
It’s not a sucker
That is born every minute
But the to be sucked
Don Arrup
Satire1
Nine months behind the desk
Outside the Sun shines
Preparing for nine lives
Behind the desk
Career promotion bills
Better than just the chair
Principal’s office, witness box, electric
Teach the children well
That Life is Hell
And the work is never done
Run outside today
If you are young
And still believe in fun
I’ll be here
Behind the desk
Waiting
For you to replace me
NO VACATE
My whole life has become a job
And I don’t like the boss
Never satisfied
Can’t mention raise
Or a day off
Endless depression
One-man recession
Hairline
Bottom line
Only my belt stretches
At least I can’t get fired
Or laid off
But I also can’t retire
Only expire
Dead end job me
SUCK ME
Humans
Second on the food chain
Elevated by mosquitoes
Since we’re the baldest blood bags
No fur or fuss
No scale or hide
To obstruct
The suck
They annoy us
To frustrate and inspire us
Keep us hungry
So much do they control us
We buzz about
Growing food
Working for food
Buying food
Take out
Drive in
Make out
Sin sin
It’s not a sucker
That is born every minute
But the to be sucked
Don Arrup
Satire1
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Congress Denies Moon Right To Eclipse
Congress interrupted its debate over raising the debt ceiling today to vote to deny the Moon the right to eclipse over North America both tonight and in the foreseeable future.
House Speaker Boehner
“We may have trashed the space program but we still own the Moon since President Richard Nixon colonized it on July 20th 1969. The American people spent billions of dollars to get those astronauts up there to civilize that rock and its only once a month when we can view the full benefit of our investment.”
House Minority Leader Pelosi
“I don’t think the Moon was as sound a purchase as Louisiana or Alaska but June is a romantic month and the height of the marriage season. Couples shouldn’t have to go off on a Honey Eclipse.”
Senate Majority Leader Reid
“Werewolves are citizens too and I don’t know what they are supposed to do if we didn’t act. Its time the Moon stopped trying to take a night off every time it slips outside our orbit of the Sun.”
Senate Minority Leader McConnell
“This wouldn’t even be an issue if we had a McDonald’s up there. I say we declare the Moon a tax free development zone and let the free market take care of the astronomy.”
President Obama
“I have signed the bill, it has become law, and I applaud Congress on their swift bi-partisan effort to close this solar-lunar loophole which has left our country in the dark so many times before. I invite all Americans under clear skies to enjoy their Moon in its full majesty and leave the crescents to Al Qaeda and the Taliban.”
“ Later this month I will propose a bill to Congress to extend summer indefinitely to help our country wean itself off heating oil and dependence on foreign powers, many of whom can’t even throw a respectable revolution.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
House Speaker Boehner
“We may have trashed the space program but we still own the Moon since President Richard Nixon colonized it on July 20th 1969. The American people spent billions of dollars to get those astronauts up there to civilize that rock and its only once a month when we can view the full benefit of our investment.”
House Minority Leader Pelosi
“I don’t think the Moon was as sound a purchase as Louisiana or Alaska but June is a romantic month and the height of the marriage season. Couples shouldn’t have to go off on a Honey Eclipse.”
Senate Majority Leader Reid
“Werewolves are citizens too and I don’t know what they are supposed to do if we didn’t act. Its time the Moon stopped trying to take a night off every time it slips outside our orbit of the Sun.”
Senate Minority Leader McConnell
“This wouldn’t even be an issue if we had a McDonald’s up there. I say we declare the Moon a tax free development zone and let the free market take care of the astronomy.”
President Obama
“I have signed the bill, it has become law, and I applaud Congress on their swift bi-partisan effort to close this solar-lunar loophole which has left our country in the dark so many times before. I invite all Americans under clear skies to enjoy their Moon in its full majesty and leave the crescents to Al Qaeda and the Taliban.”
“ Later this month I will propose a bill to Congress to extend summer indefinitely to help our country wean itself off heating oil and dependence on foreign powers, many of whom can’t even throw a respectable revolution.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Monday, May 30, 2011
In Memorium
Satire1 again suspends its wit this post in honor of those individuals and their families whose sacrifice makes this and other blogs like it possible.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Guide To End Of Days
For those of you new to the end of the world and Universe Satire1 has provided a handy guide to dealing with the Biblical Apocalypse that began today May 21, 2011.
How to recognize the Apocalypse
The first sign of the Apocalypse is the great powers (currently the United States and European Union) will find themselves in frightening financial straits perhaps even owing money to recent enemies. This is already well underway.
The second sign of the Apocalypse is that the greatest power on Earth will find and destroy the devil of this Millennium and discover that none of their problems have gone away. This happened earlier this month.
The third sign of the Apocalypse is a revolt of the downtrodden masses around the Holy Land succeeding by returning to the original Universal language used by humans before being dispersed at the Tower of Babel. Tweeting or the Language of Thumbs took over this (Arab) spring.
What you can do to deal with the Apocalypse
Well, actually there is nothing you can do but Satire1 provides you with some complete wastes of time and money that might delude you into feeling safer until the earthquakes finally begin to tear the surface of the Earth apart.
Buy a bigger house than you can afford.
Since most of us will be buried under our own roof why not get a big one to run under when the rain of fire begins. Interest rates are at record low levels and no one pays off their mortgages anymore anyway.
Buy a too big vehicle.
Following the logic of the too big house purchase, why be buried in a small car? The rain of fire might catch you on the road and you will have seconds to feel superior and protected watching Smart cars cinderize before you perish in your Military Transport.
Enroll in a college you can’t afford.
That would be any college by the way including State schools. Since there will be no jobs even if the Earth is saved by Divine Intervention you would be a fool not to accrue massive debt and the full spectrum of sexually transmitted diseases. When visiting prospective campuses forget the library. Check out the pool.
Bear children you have no intention of raising.
Since spanking is prosecuted as murder and even gentle guidance can get you arrested for verbal abuse let your wild offspring run roughshod over your neighbors property and enjoy what little time they have. No one reaches maturity anymore no matter how much time they have so what the hell? We’re all going there anyway. Why not get used to it here?
Don Arrup
Satire1
How to recognize the Apocalypse
The first sign of the Apocalypse is the great powers (currently the United States and European Union) will find themselves in frightening financial straits perhaps even owing money to recent enemies. This is already well underway.
The second sign of the Apocalypse is that the greatest power on Earth will find and destroy the devil of this Millennium and discover that none of their problems have gone away. This happened earlier this month.
The third sign of the Apocalypse is a revolt of the downtrodden masses around the Holy Land succeeding by returning to the original Universal language used by humans before being dispersed at the Tower of Babel. Tweeting or the Language of Thumbs took over this (Arab) spring.
What you can do to deal with the Apocalypse
Well, actually there is nothing you can do but Satire1 provides you with some complete wastes of time and money that might delude you into feeling safer until the earthquakes finally begin to tear the surface of the Earth apart.
Buy a bigger house than you can afford.
Since most of us will be buried under our own roof why not get a big one to run under when the rain of fire begins. Interest rates are at record low levels and no one pays off their mortgages anymore anyway.
Buy a too big vehicle.
Following the logic of the too big house purchase, why be buried in a small car? The rain of fire might catch you on the road and you will have seconds to feel superior and protected watching Smart cars cinderize before you perish in your Military Transport.
Enroll in a college you can’t afford.
That would be any college by the way including State schools. Since there will be no jobs even if the Earth is saved by Divine Intervention you would be a fool not to accrue massive debt and the full spectrum of sexually transmitted diseases. When visiting prospective campuses forget the library. Check out the pool.
Bear children you have no intention of raising.
Since spanking is prosecuted as murder and even gentle guidance can get you arrested for verbal abuse let your wild offspring run roughshod over your neighbors property and enjoy what little time they have. No one reaches maturity anymore no matter how much time they have so what the hell? We’re all going there anyway. Why not get used to it here?
Don Arrup
Satire1
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Who Knew?
The accusation that Osama Bin Laden only vacationed in Pakistan but lived and worked in Washington D.C. as valet to the current and former presidents has been confirmed by the White House.
Imp Erp has run security at the White House since 2006
“I couldn’t recognize him without the hat. I guess technically it’s a turban but it reminds me of the Alka-Seltzer kid’s hat. That kid’s name is Speedy. We know where he is. But no, I didn’t know he was the world’s most wanted man. Not with the trim beard and a tie.”
Justin Blow, FBI Liaison
“He passed the security check. His resume stated that his name was Osama Bin Laden. Listed Al Qaeda and the Mujahideen as former employers. We thoroughly investigated his background and it all checked out. How were we to know that he was the Osama Bin Laden?”
Dick Cheney, former Vice President of the United States
“President Bush was never informed that his valet was the most notorious terrorist in history. Osama gave a great shave and haircut. Knew how to use an iron and could slip a cowboy boot on a kangaroo. And don’t forget the propaganda value. He was our most valuable ally in selling two wars.”
Eman Iman, State Department Liaison
“I couldn’t figure out whether he was tall or gay.”
X, National Security Advisor since 2009
“He and President Obama hung out a lot and even prayed together. Surprisingly they’re both closet Jews.”
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton
I can say for a fact that he was tall. But I have no personal knowledge of his sexual preference. He did like to make videos of himself and at his age…”
General Umph Sucocski
“I can’t tell you how relived I was to learn that he was a terrorist and that he was dead. I thought he was a lobbyist.”
Wax Awf, White House Shop Stewart
“Of course I knew he was the terrorist but he was always up on his dues. Threw a couple bucks to every drive and campaign we had. No absenteeism. All the armies and lawyers in the world couldn’t have taken him out if he just showed up for work everyday. This is America, not Wisconsin.”
Felicia Spread, Tour Guide since 2003
“Did I know Sámi? I was like only one of his wives for like three weeks, mostly in War Room, but I got tired of hearing about his other wives and he wanted me to go to his compound on the weekends but it was like seventeen hours by plane.”
Joe Biden, Current Vice President of the United States
“I’m going to miss his haircuts. And I need a trim. But most of all I’m going to miss Osama because terrorism needs a face. Who are we going to throw darts at? Paint on the bottom of our urinals? The reason we struggled in Korea and Vietnam was we didn’t have an individual who personified the enemy. And Atmydinnerjob and Kim Ill whatever. They’re just clowns.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Imp Erp has run security at the White House since 2006
“I couldn’t recognize him without the hat. I guess technically it’s a turban but it reminds me of the Alka-Seltzer kid’s hat. That kid’s name is Speedy. We know where he is. But no, I didn’t know he was the world’s most wanted man. Not with the trim beard and a tie.”
Justin Blow, FBI Liaison
“He passed the security check. His resume stated that his name was Osama Bin Laden. Listed Al Qaeda and the Mujahideen as former employers. We thoroughly investigated his background and it all checked out. How were we to know that he was the Osama Bin Laden?”
Dick Cheney, former Vice President of the United States
“President Bush was never informed that his valet was the most notorious terrorist in history. Osama gave a great shave and haircut. Knew how to use an iron and could slip a cowboy boot on a kangaroo. And don’t forget the propaganda value. He was our most valuable ally in selling two wars.”
Eman Iman, State Department Liaison
“I couldn’t figure out whether he was tall or gay.”
X, National Security Advisor since 2009
“He and President Obama hung out a lot and even prayed together. Surprisingly they’re both closet Jews.”
Secretary of State Hilary Clinton
I can say for a fact that he was tall. But I have no personal knowledge of his sexual preference. He did like to make videos of himself and at his age…”
General Umph Sucocski
“I can’t tell you how relived I was to learn that he was a terrorist and that he was dead. I thought he was a lobbyist.”
Wax Awf, White House Shop Stewart
“Of course I knew he was the terrorist but he was always up on his dues. Threw a couple bucks to every drive and campaign we had. No absenteeism. All the armies and lawyers in the world couldn’t have taken him out if he just showed up for work everyday. This is America, not Wisconsin.”
Felicia Spread, Tour Guide since 2003
“Did I know Sámi? I was like only one of his wives for like three weeks, mostly in War Room, but I got tired of hearing about his other wives and he wanted me to go to his compound on the weekends but it was like seventeen hours by plane.”
Joe Biden, Current Vice President of the United States
“I’m going to miss his haircuts. And I need a trim. But most of all I’m going to miss Osama because terrorism needs a face. Who are we going to throw darts at? Paint on the bottom of our urinals? The reason we struggled in Korea and Vietnam was we didn’t have an individual who personified the enemy. And Atmydinnerjob and Kim Ill whatever. They’re just clowns.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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