As a part of his hard on fowl policy, President Elect Trump claims that he will not pardon turkeys when Thanksgiving approaches once he is in office. “President Obama has no problem throwing another bird on the farm welfare system but when I take office it will be the oven for all gobblers.”
Citing the deep sadness he experienced when he first encountered starving Harvard students, Trump swore that he would leave no drumstick unturned until every fattened bird was roasted on the third Thursday of November.
The “original illegal aliens” as the President Elect refers to Native Americans, Trump holds responsible for bringing the bird from the Middle East to the Americas. “This continent was a clean continent before the Indians brought that Muslim bird here from the Ottoman Empire. This land was a paradise before they came here with their credit default swaps and pay day loans.”
Though the President Elect doesn’t blame the birds for the complete collapse of our entire economy and society he points out that their flesh was the second largest contributor to the white meat mania of just a decade ago. “Both the right wing and liberal press constantly accused me of supporting White Meat Supremacy during my campaign. I eat red meat and yellow, hot dogs are terra-cotta, blue fish, grey octopus and barbecue black. I’m multi-carnivore. Tell all the animals. You come here. We’ll eat you. It’s not a problem.”
Pressed by the press the President Elect confessed that the only turkey he would consider pardoning would be Hillary Clinton.
Happy T Bird Day
Don Arrup
Satire1
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