Trump's Original Short List

Satire1 once again scoops big media in obtaining now President Donald Trump’s original short list for his cabinet and national security appointments before the RNC bigwigs spanked him up.

Secretary, Director or Administrator of

Labor

Simon Legree, northern who moved to rural Louisiana to improve race and labor relations on plantations. Good friend of Representative Uncle Tom.

Environmental Protection Agency

Godzilla, native of the Sea of Japan originally made headlines protesting nuclear power and weapons. A bit hard on cities but will fight valiantly against Big Oil, Big Chemical, Monsanto and Mothra.

Attorney General

Perry Mason, a Los Angeles defense attorney renown for getting murderers off, particularly well endowed widows and molls.

Treasury

Ebenezer Scrooge, British, inherited partner Jacob Marely’s half of London’s premier investment bank. Rumors he is haunted by his past, present and future indiscretions.

Education

Jethro Bodine, nephew of Ozark oil tycoon Jed Clampett, jet set hillbilly and international entrepreneur rube. Loves “book learn’n.”

White House Chief of Staff

Cosmo Kramer, trend setting hipster doofus and unemployed man of a thousand talents. Instrumental in keeping sanity out of comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s life. Can get crazy with the N word.

Project Engineer of South Border Wall

Fred Flintstone, CEO Yabba Dabba Do Construction. Had hand in Stonehenge and Pyramids. Known for very individual style of business attire. Will need to wear pants. 

Veteran’s Affairs

G.I. Joe, veteran action figure from early Vietnam era thru current wars on terror. Has served in every branch of service including Coast Guard. Taciturn, stiff but never blinks in the face of adversity. Not expected to do well at hearing.

Energy

Rip Van Winkle, Upper State New York. Will need to be up on latest technology and challenges. Rumored to be twenty years behind the times.

Housing and Urban Development

Big Bad Wolf, infamous New York slum lord who treats his tenants like pigs. Like Trump, BBW huffs and puffs but rarely blows anything solid down.

Agriculture

Jolly Green Giant, frozen and canned vegetable pioneer. Former basketball star at WhatsAMatta U and in decades long litigation with Santa Claus over trademark Ho Ho Ho. Will also need to wear pants.

Health and Human Services

Dr. Victor Frankenstein, native of Germany known for innovations in transplant surgery and whose laboratory was first to employ hunchbacks, grave robbers and other minorities.

National Security Advisor

Henny Penny aka Chicken Little predicted the 9/11 attack early on the morning of the disaster. Says the sky is falling everyday but Turkey Lurkey and  Goosey Loosey swear Henny was especially emphatic the morning of the terrorist attack. 

State

Hillary Clinton. Hey, she needs a job.

Defense

Benedict Arnold, founding deadbeat father. Commanded West Point Fort before cutting a deal with corporate raider redcoats. Took his taxes overseas. Must be made to understand britches are not real pants.

Homeland Security

Captain America, patriot, super hero. Iconic shield ineffective against lawyers, hackers and microbes. 

Don Arrup

Satire1