Pubic Television

As the Grand Old Party is once again licking it chops over the defunding of NEA (Nepotism Endowment of the Arts) and PBS (Public Bullshit System) Channel 13 here in New Jersey/York and WNEA in Beantown are putting themselves through a furious make over to draw more viewers and donations. 

Satire1 secured a list of what were Public Television’s top rated shows and how they’ll be reworked before spring.

Antique Road Show will become Antique Road Whoe

Join Sassy and Pussi as they travel to our country’s longest active whoe walks from San Fransisco’s Tenderloin District to Baltimore’s Block. Interviews with streetwalkers and fur capped pimps mixed with reviews of local cuisine offered at back wagon restaurants and hot dog stands on the strips.

And to get the inside scoop watch as This Old House morphs into This Whore House where Bertha and Mooshie give tours of the country’s grandest and longest established brothels. Tips from experts in every perversion make TWH the must watch compliment to ARW for those who think fun!

For top notch investigative journalism you can’t beat Frontline as it goes undercover under the covers in Downline. You won’t have to wait for impeachment trials or Senate investigations as top reporters get the low down on who’s going down on who in D.C. 

Washington Week in Review will become Washington Week Confidential as the panel of clueless columnists and reporters are replaced with real deal sharing Madams and blackmailing ex-staff members filling in the blanks between Downline’s historic revelations. 

For the kiddies Sesame Street turns the corner to Sexame Street

Big Bird retires and is replaced by Big Boobs, a yellow haired Puerto Rican Stripper and her lovely friends the Nookie Monster and Oscar who always has his face buried in someone.

The whole family can enjoy when Nature becomes Raw Nature which puts a little more emphasis on the reproductive activities of animals and some of the unique relationships they can develop with lonely farmers and zoologists. 

Military and history buffs will be thrilled when Secrets of the Dead matures into Sex Secrets of the Dead taking us under the uniforms of famous generals and dictators while the new American Sexperience does the same with our past leaders, inventors and captains of industry.

No Sunday night would be complete without Masterpiece Porno which moves from the stuffy 19th century centric of the BBC to Danish Television’s naughty network hits. For America’s own catch updated Great Performances X featuring the most endowed and flexible copulatory artistes from the 50 states.

Just as you enjoyed the stories of the writers, musicians and visual and performing artists on American Masters who brought so much pleasure to all the world, you’ll enjoy American Masturbators who brought so much pleasure to themselves. 

Don Arrup

Satire1