In last night’s Address to a Joint Session of Congress, President Trump promised the besieged state of Sweden that the United States military would drive out the godless blue eyed Muslim Mexicans who have invaded and conquered the Scandinavian stronghold.
Referring to the enemy as the M&Ms, Trump recounted a war of infiltration, penetration, subterfuge and peroxide as bleached blond devils used fake passports and sing song accents to smuggle stolen American companies like IKEA, Solvatten, Saab and Volvo into Sweden so that they might grow like a cancer into their economy. The infiltration was so successful that many younger Swedes actually think of them as Swedish companies.
“I’ve spoken to the president of Muslimico and told him in no uncertain terms that I will direct the greatest military the world has ever seen in primetime to the fjords and saunas of Sweden where our Admirals and Generals have orders from their president to kill any blond under 5’6” who answers to como estas jihad.”
When asked by numerous reporters why there were so many blonds in Sweden to begin with the president replied: “Everybody wants to look like me. It’s a burden I’ve lived with since I blossomed into the world’s most handsome man.”
When his handpicked press pool asked for the Pentagon’s reaction to his pledge, Trump waxed philosophical. “Nobody hates war more than generals. They brought up a number of concerns- some of them legitimate- we like hot climates, we’ll have to change our pants, oranges cost five bucks there, the girls whack men off with golf clubs. The usual bellyache. So I told the generals that it was Sweden or Canada but we’re going to have it out with the M&Ms somewhere before Sweeps Week in May.”
When asked about the cost, President Trump was quick to fire back. “I’m sending the whole bill to Brussels. The EU- yes, you! is picking up this tab. We’ll take the risks, shed the blood but the European Union for once is going to pay to preserve our precious freedom, sweat rooms and white meatballs.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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