I Did Not Have Sex With That Diplomat

When President Trump held his meeting with the Russian Ambassadors last month the western press was excluded. Only later when the pictures from the political orgy were released online by the Russian news and porn service TASS (T & Ass) did the full scandal begin to unfold.  

Sergey (pronounced Sure Gay) Lavrov, the Russian Foreign Minister and Sergey Kislyck (Pronounced Kiss Lick) the Russian Ambassador to the United States were in a menage a trois with General Flynn who was widely known as the biggest slut in the Penthouseagon. When President Trump chose Flynn to be National Security Adviser he realized almost immediately but already too late that hiring Flynn made him a pimp. 

Since the mainstream liberal media of Fox and Limbaugh remain transfixed on their fetishes of national security, taxes and power shifts in Washington, it falls to small unread blogs like Satire1 to excavate the truth on important matters like who’s getting some and from whom. So we turn to our usual suspects and experts on matters political and discrete.

Professor Bert Boner, Wharton Business School

“On The Apprentice our alum Trump ran a reality TV business brothel. Now President Trump and his son in law see the opportunity to set up a Club Med style super brothel resort on the Black Sea to cash in on the sex tourism trade. The main attraction is a V.I.P. only super exclusive inner ring to be called ‘The President’s Pants.’ Can you get in The President’s Pants?”    

Madame Sophie, proprietor of Madame Sophie’s Erotic Rub Hut, Baltimore, Md

“I’m glad to see the President take his trade overseas. Hard for us little house whoes to compete with the big box brothels. I’ve got nearly a dozen Korean and Mexican girls here from 30 different countries but I can’t compete with the United Nations.”

Julius Caesar, retired Emperor of Rome

“What’s all this about Trump playing me in Central Park? Is he in the actor’s union?”

Sweeney Horn, regular john at northern Virginia and D.C. brothels

“Of course Big Don wants to pop his Black Sea cherry. We know what kind of women he likes. Who’d have guessed that Barbie Doll was really named Natasha? No wonder our women never get over their Mattel hells and we say we won the Cold War.”

Don Arrup

Satire1