The Grey Baboon Room on the second floor of the West Wing of the White House. President Trump talks to the cleaning lady, Millie.
Trump
What else did you find under the rug?
Millie
An 1888 silver dollar, two hairpins- I don’t know- they look like my grandmother’s- maybe even older- and Social Security Reform.
Trump
The silver dollar’s mine. You can keep the hair pins. I don’t need them.
Millie
Thank you, Mr. President.
Trump
Is your grandmother still with us?
Millie
She died last millennium.
Trump
Well, I hope her hair looked nice in the box.
Millie
No casket. We just put her in her car at the end of the mall parking lot and torched it.
Trump
If I die- god forbid- here in office, I’ve already signed the orders to lay me out in the Oval Office and burn the White House down around me.
Millie
Shame they can’t burn the whole town down around you.
Trump
Can you do anything with the Social Security Reform?
Millie
Well, that’s quite a mess that’s only getting worse by the day.
Trump
I could ask Mitch and Paul to help you.
Millie
Oh no no no. Not them!
Trump
Maybe I could charm Nancy and Chuck to come over.
Millie
Those are the four reasons I can’t get anything done around here.
Trump
Is there anybody from the other House or the Senate that could lend you a hand?
Millie
That I can trust?
Trump
You can’t raise the bar to the Moon, Millie. Under all those suits and haircuts they’re just legislators. Trust what they trust. Trust what I trust. Trust what everybody trusts.
Millie
In God We Trust.
Trump
On the back. Federal Reserve Note on the front.
Millie
Amen.
Trump
Unfortunately for you, I’m already married or I would marry you, Millie, right here, right now.
Millie
I noticed you didn’t say happily married.
Trump
I just stretch the truth. I don’t beat it with a dead model.
Millie
Gazoontite.
Trump
Okay, sweep Social Security Reform back under the rug. I’ve got the wall to build anyway.
Millie
Anything in the East Wing you want me to tidy?
Trump
Well, there is this kid Kim.
Millie
I don’t do windows or North Korea, Mr. President.
Trump
How about the kitchen? I hear some anarchists made hamburger out of Hamburg last night.
Millie
It’s the worst mess they’ve had there since we firebombed them wars ago.
Trump
How’s the pool? No oil spills, I hope.
Millie
Not recently. Do you swim, Mr. President?
Trump
No, I stand next to my wife when she’s in a bikini. It makes me looked tanned.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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