In an interview at the United Nations General Assembly yesterday, President Trump announced that hurricanes Jose and Maria were undocumented atmospherics and would not be allowed to cross United States borders.
Though none of the bills submitted in Congress extend a path of citizenship to hurricanes or typhoons, the president, uncharacteristically subtle, implied that those with northern European names (Harvey & Irma) were welcome while those with Hispanic handles were not.
Representatives of the three quarters of a million New Yorkers of Puerto Rican descent protested pointing out that Hurricane Maria was named after the most popular song from West Side Story. Trump said the song was about a Puerto Rican girl and Puerto Rico is where the hurricane is headed.
“Houston will be protected in the future as we are going to extend the wall to protect us not only from invasion from Mexico but also from the Gulf of Mexico,” the president said. “This should also protect most of Florida. My first and most sacred duty as president is to protect the swing states in an election year.”
Meteorologists from across the globe concurred that hurricanes have never been recorded breaching the Great Wall of Kansas and that flood insurance costs in Arizona and New Mexico should come down.
“The American people elected me because the American people want to suffer American disasters. Enough of these half assed, half spent hand me down hurricanes that a bunch of little tourist traps and tax shelters pass on to us after all the real drama is over.”
“There will be no more page two destruction, after the commercial coverage and unworthy of pundit pontification national “events” while these so called countries that are too small to even make a decent golf course out of grab all the attention and sympathy.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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