Never in the history of academic achievement has any high school or college graduating class been so fucked. You are about to be thrust from your bedrooms into the closet of your bedrooms and as your caregivers lock that closet door, denying you any access to the greater world outside their doors, we invite you to kiss our ass and your future goodbye.
You may feel cheated: denied a full and rich academic experience which would pry open your little minds and wrench open your hermetically sealed thighs. The chance to live outside your family homes in an idyllic oasis of binge drinking and gang bangs.
My generation has guaranteed that your generation will be burdened with a historically huge generational debt which neither you, your children nor your children’s grandchildren will ever crawl out from under. But first, in all fairness, we have assured that each of you, personally, will have every opportunity to bury yourselves financially with just as expensive online schooling before the real estate rape called having your own place begins.
A two bedroom sheet rock shit house that is too small for your family and she’s pregnant again will only get smaller and with the payments missed as every once in a hundred years hurricane hundred years drought, hundred years pandemic all become annual if not semi-annual experiences.
The mere utterance of the words “loan” and “forgiveness” in the same speech or article will be a felony. Everyone will be in debt and no one will outright own anything. The banks will own everything and everyone and robots already own the banks.
The future is stolen.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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