Radio Tyrants, Death Panels, Socialism National and Communist.
We have to cut down costs or the current growth of insurance companies profits will be unsustainable. . Don’t have to worry about the drug companies. A handshake behind closed doors. What are we fighting about? It’s over.
Public option? We have that now. Just wait a minute and two more families qualify for Medicaid.
Hey, we’re fat and broke and diabetic. Time to do nothing.
They’re fighting like kids in a schoolyard. Everybody wants change. Everybody promises change but you don’t have to change if you like your coverage. What would you rather have- higher taxes or higher premiums? You’ll get both, I promise you.
It will bankrupt the country. It’s bankrupting the country right now.
Its revenue neutral- like World War Two. How long do you have to stand and shit on this Earth before you realize that everything everything everything takes four times as long, terrifies at least half those involved, conjures setbacks, obstacles, tornadoes, typhoons, scandals, prosecutions and will cost at least ten times as much as the guys who couldn’t get laid in college and now are middle aged assure. Assure, you know, that’s the name of the best selling adult diaper. Or is that Depends?
The Republicans piss off and the Democrats shit pants. Your tax dollars at work.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Showing posts with label Health Care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health Care. Show all posts
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Obama Offers Palin Seat On Death Panel
In a bi-partisan gesture President Obama publicly offered former Alaskan Governor and Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Rah Rah Palin a seat on the proposed death panel- the headstone of his Health Care Reform plan.
“If Governor Palin is afraid we’ll throw her baby in the gas chamber to reduce health care costs I as a parent can understand that. There have been many nights when the First Lady and I stayed up till dawn trying to figure out just what exactly we would do if the government came and took our daughters. We know the insurance company will murder them if either of them develops an expensive condition. But that’s all of us.”
“If Governor Palin feels that she will have no say in the fate of her baby then I am extending a seat on the Death Panel where her vote will have equal weight with the other fifteen panel members of her region.”
“Though not all the details of these panels has been ironed out between the 846 different Health Care Reform bills under consideration it is my understanding that most of them seek to model the historically successful Star Chamber of the Grand Inquisition and the Final Solution Committee of the Third Reich’s SS.”
“And they will be uniquely American Death Panels reflecting our community values of fairness and compassion. There will be no consideration given to the victim’s race, religion or gender. Only the viability of treatment and whether the victim is someone most of us would like to sleep with will be considered. The poor and disadvantaged will get an immediate pass to gas chambers through Medicaid with the federal government footing the cremation as well. I think that’s only fair.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“If Governor Palin is afraid we’ll throw her baby in the gas chamber to reduce health care costs I as a parent can understand that. There have been many nights when the First Lady and I stayed up till dawn trying to figure out just what exactly we would do if the government came and took our daughters. We know the insurance company will murder them if either of them develops an expensive condition. But that’s all of us.”
“If Governor Palin feels that she will have no say in the fate of her baby then I am extending a seat on the Death Panel where her vote will have equal weight with the other fifteen panel members of her region.”
“Though not all the details of these panels has been ironed out between the 846 different Health Care Reform bills under consideration it is my understanding that most of them seek to model the historically successful Star Chamber of the Grand Inquisition and the Final Solution Committee of the Third Reich’s SS.”
“And they will be uniquely American Death Panels reflecting our community values of fairness and compassion. There will be no consideration given to the victim’s race, religion or gender. Only the viability of treatment and whether the victim is someone most of us would like to sleep with will be considered. The poor and disadvantaged will get an immediate pass to gas chambers through Medicaid with the federal government footing the cremation as well. I think that’s only fair.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Why We Don't Have Universal Health Care
I asked the guy standing next to me at the bus stop why we don't have Universal health care. He said it was because I smoked and he didn't want his tax dollars covering my oxygen tank. I told him he was fat and I didn't want to pay for his triple bypass. The diabetic woman with three kids was asking people passing by if they had any candy while promising her kids ice cream when they got home. The church lady refused to pay for people who had more than one sex partner while the drunk announced he needed a drink and a new liver. The girl who had come out of the tanning salon said that if the bus didn’t come soon she’d get skin cancer which caused the junkie to laugh so hard he stumbled into the street where he was hit by a skateboarder not wearing a helmet knocking the junkie in front of an SUV driven by a guy engrossed in his cell phone. Then the SUV swerved and crushed a Smart car.
The fat guy turned to me and said, “You see, this is why I don’t exercise.”
*Read on the air as one of WNYC's semi-finalists in their Satire Slam Contest on 4/29/09. Thank you to all the readers and listeners for their support.
Don Arrup
Satire1
The fat guy turned to me and said, “You see, this is why I don’t exercise.”
*Read on the air as one of WNYC's semi-finalists in their Satire Slam Contest on 4/29/09. Thank you to all the readers and listeners for their support.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
China Recalls New Year Over Mad Ox Disease Fears
The People’s Republic of China recalled their New Year 4707 of the Ox over fears of the spread of mad ox disease. Allegations that the New Year was fed recent Rat and Pig years illegally has astronomers, philosophers and astrologers scrambling for clues as to the health of the current times. Children are being denied birthdays. Pregnant women are moving into their eleventh and twelfth months of gestation refusing to give birth until the health of the New Year can be determined. Grandmothers across Asia refuse to get out of bed saying that the Sun is a liar. Clocks, computers and watches are being destroyed and burned in public. The actress whose voice would announce the time on the phone was beheaded in Shanghai. An angry mob of thousands paraded her head on the end of pole through the streets shouting bring back yesterday.
But the Ox ate the Rat and that was that.
Government officials took immediate emergency measures by lining every Taoist, Feng shui expert and Children’s television program host against the wall. Despite hundreds of executions and proclamations from the government every indication points to a continued slide into tomorrow.
Some theoretical physicists are suggesting blowing up the Sun since China has both a large nuclear arsenal and rockets capable of penetrating outer space. Critics point out that the attack would probably prove more symbolic than practical since the Sun is just one big ongoing explosion to begin with. Health officials have suggested leading the entire nation in a super slow Tai Chi Chuan form through the use of television, radio and the Armed Forces. They do concede that the form would at most slow time down perhaps only making the mad year longer. Seated meditation is still the only method known to stop time but the government banned it as too religious. The Minister of Science and Snakes said that the ancient Mayan calendar due to end in three years was overly optimistic. “I don’t see anything on the planet outliving the American banks.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
But the Ox ate the Rat and that was that.
Government officials took immediate emergency measures by lining every Taoist, Feng shui expert and Children’s television program host against the wall. Despite hundreds of executions and proclamations from the government every indication points to a continued slide into tomorrow.
Some theoretical physicists are suggesting blowing up the Sun since China has both a large nuclear arsenal and rockets capable of penetrating outer space. Critics point out that the attack would probably prove more symbolic than practical since the Sun is just one big ongoing explosion to begin with. Health officials have suggested leading the entire nation in a super slow Tai Chi Chuan form through the use of television, radio and the Armed Forces. They do concede that the form would at most slow time down perhaps only making the mad year longer. Seated meditation is still the only method known to stop time but the government banned it as too religious. The Minister of Science and Snakes said that the ancient Mayan calendar due to end in three years was overly optimistic. “I don’t see anything on the planet outliving the American banks.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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