FBI Seize Get Out Of Jail Cards
“Rich Uncle Pennybags will not pass Go this time.”
Boardwalk Falls To Under $600
The jewel of Atlantic City real estate being offered for less than $600 for the first time since Parker Brothers constructed it in 1935. “They’re practically giving away Baltic Avenue for peanuts.”
Water Works Found Polluted While Electric Company Goes Way of Enron
It’s a roll of the dice to see if investors will recoup anything on these utilities. “Tap’s dry for pension funds and lights out for retirees who thought they had a safe investment.”
Fear of the Bank’s Failure Sends Players Scrambling
No FDIC protection for the colored money. “I might as well have my savings in a Money Market account.”
Building Boom Halts
“The green houses are too small and who wants to live in a red hotel? It looks like whore house.”
Fed Blocks Investors Selling Short on Short Line
“Anyone hopping on these railroads is in for a ride.”
Forget Free Parking, Community Chest Overwhelmed, No Chance
“Nothing good in the cards this time.”
Income and Luxury Tax Survive Intact
Figures.
Scottie Dog Dons Top Hat, Old Shoe and Thimble Before Shooting Himself with Cannon
Pooch once thought tough as tin couldn’t face real world consequences.
Treasury Secretary Paulson Threatens To Take Over Game
“Guess my old Wall Street friends will have to learn to play Sorry.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Sesame Street Agrees to Acquire Wall Street for One Trillion Cookies
As long-standing investment firms on Wall Street collapse or disappear Treasury Secretary Paulson has worked feverishly behinds the scenes in secret to find a buyer for the whole street. “We can’t keep running to the next hole in the dyke,” said Paulson. “Its time to sell the whole lesbian.”
Interest was shown in the purchase by the governments of Saudi Arabia, China and Russia but the offer was withdrawn for national security reasons. “We need an American buyer to keep this vital economic lifeline in local hands and avoid any chance of political blackmail,” said Paulson. That is when the Sesame Workshop was approached about the deal. “They’ve done a great job of running their street despite its wide array of conflicting interests and businesses. We’re sure the culture of Sesame Street will infect the Wall Street firms and inject them with a dose of reality.”
Sesame CEO Oscar the Grouch speaking from his trashcan agreed. “These Ivy League leaders were living in a world of fantasy. Its like they all shared the same infantile dream that the housing bubble would never burst. In a era of stagnant wages I can’t imagine how they could believe that people could keep paying more for their homes.”
“Its not calculus or even algebra but good simple arithmetic that housing prices can’t go up if the average person isn’t making more money. Obviously, these Harvards and Yalies need a brush up course in their numbers. Something we’re very good at doing here on Sesame Street,” added Slimey the Worm, CFO of SS STR.
As reporters pressed Oscar on why he would be willing to risk the acquisition of so much bad paper he replied by singing “I love trash” his signature song.
Sesame board member Big Bird said he understood the frenzy that led to the downfall of so many banks and hedge funds. “I wanted to buy a nest mansion in a better neighborhood but the prices were just so unreasonable. What they were asking for a twig and paper china bowl nest on East 83rd street was just insane. I’d rather live in one of those flimsy poured concrete and sheet rock monstrosities they sell the humans.”
Fellow board members Bert and Ernie agreed. “We would each love to have our own place,” said Ernie, “but with our take home pay and the reality of New York City rents cohabitation is a necessity. So Bert has to live with my Twiddlebugs and I have to live with his pigeons.”
“I’m tired of being called gay,” added Bert.
Sherlock Hemlock, world’s greatest detective and long time resident, has been pouring over the books of the various surviving Wall Street firms in search of discrepancies. “What do you want us to do,” asked Hemlock, “Trust Morgan Stanley to verify Morgan Stanley Trust?”
Cookie Monster appears to have been the lone board member who opposed the deal. “A trillion cookies? That’s like more than I could eat in a lifetime. Nothing is worth that.” Cookie had hoped to get Wall Street for less by waiting just one more news cycle.
“I hope not many of those suits end up moving into our block,” said Kermit the Frog, journalist and one time variety show host. “I mean we may be crawling with vampires, monsters and wild animals but those financiers are just out of control.”
Popular Sesame Street icon Elmo was unavailable for comment as he was being tickled at the time.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Interest was shown in the purchase by the governments of Saudi Arabia, China and Russia but the offer was withdrawn for national security reasons. “We need an American buyer to keep this vital economic lifeline in local hands and avoid any chance of political blackmail,” said Paulson. That is when the Sesame Workshop was approached about the deal. “They’ve done a great job of running their street despite its wide array of conflicting interests and businesses. We’re sure the culture of Sesame Street will infect the Wall Street firms and inject them with a dose of reality.”
Sesame CEO Oscar the Grouch speaking from his trashcan agreed. “These Ivy League leaders were living in a world of fantasy. Its like they all shared the same infantile dream that the housing bubble would never burst. In a era of stagnant wages I can’t imagine how they could believe that people could keep paying more for their homes.”
“Its not calculus or even algebra but good simple arithmetic that housing prices can’t go up if the average person isn’t making more money. Obviously, these Harvards and Yalies need a brush up course in their numbers. Something we’re very good at doing here on Sesame Street,” added Slimey the Worm, CFO of SS STR.
As reporters pressed Oscar on why he would be willing to risk the acquisition of so much bad paper he replied by singing “I love trash” his signature song.
Sesame board member Big Bird said he understood the frenzy that led to the downfall of so many banks and hedge funds. “I wanted to buy a nest mansion in a better neighborhood but the prices were just so unreasonable. What they were asking for a twig and paper china bowl nest on East 83rd street was just insane. I’d rather live in one of those flimsy poured concrete and sheet rock monstrosities they sell the humans.”
Fellow board members Bert and Ernie agreed. “We would each love to have our own place,” said Ernie, “but with our take home pay and the reality of New York City rents cohabitation is a necessity. So Bert has to live with my Twiddlebugs and I have to live with his pigeons.”
“I’m tired of being called gay,” added Bert.
Sherlock Hemlock, world’s greatest detective and long time resident, has been pouring over the books of the various surviving Wall Street firms in search of discrepancies. “What do you want us to do,” asked Hemlock, “Trust Morgan Stanley to verify Morgan Stanley Trust?”
Cookie Monster appears to have been the lone board member who opposed the deal. “A trillion cookies? That’s like more than I could eat in a lifetime. Nothing is worth that.” Cookie had hoped to get Wall Street for less by waiting just one more news cycle.
“I hope not many of those suits end up moving into our block,” said Kermit the Frog, journalist and one time variety show host. “I mean we may be crawling with vampires, monsters and wild animals but those financiers are just out of control.”
Popular Sesame Street icon Elmo was unavailable for comment as he was being tickled at the time.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Palin's Pitbull Bites Obama's Pig For Stealing Its Lipstick
Months after McCain put lipstick on Hillary Clinton’s health care pig Obama smeared McCain and Palin’s Bush policies pig. Now sows across the nation feel pressure to put on makeup before leaving their pens to socialize with other barnyard animals.
“After centuries of being the butt of overweight humor and the more recent hysteria against fat our sows are now burdened with these totally unreasonable expectations of body image and glamor,” said Porky star boar of film and television who often serves as a spokes-swine for his species. “ As if they di-di-di-di-didn’t have enough on their minds with feeding the piglets and keeping the pen tidy,”
Farmers fear that the added stress will result in weight loss and less pork belly profits. “It’s a real concern when major politicians and the media are pressuring your animals to live up to their affluent standards of appearance,” said Old McDonald who has a farm E I E I O. “And a lot of the sows are beginning to refuse mounting because they feel unattractive and unappreciated. It has the boars all frustrated and confused. I can’t tell you how many fights we’ve had in the barn this last week.”
Futures in pork bellies have skyrocketed on the commodities market as rumors of a sex strike among swine circulated while the stocks of cosmetic companies rise in anticipation of a whole new species market.
All this after Governor Palin’s reference to her hockey whore pooch has dog barbers and groomers complaining that their customers were demanding they hire a make up artist to service their pets.
“Dogs are the only animals sophisticated enough to wear makeup,” said Roxy Star well known fashion passion downtown actress and dog friend. “I took my Pokey out the other day and a woman referred to her as a pig because I hadn’t put eyeliner on her. I could see making Pokey up if she were wearing her best sweater and maybe a cap. Then makeup would be appropriate but obscuring her natural beauty everyday just because some politicians are squabbling is stupid.”
“Its about time politicians confronted the cosmetic failings of our domestic animals. It’s a national disgrace how poorly turned out so many of our pets and farm animals are,” said Terre Cherry popular New Jersey DJ, “Everyone knows neither party has a clue about what can be done about the housing market or oil prices so why don’t they take care of our other crises like too many ugly dogs?”
“I can’t even get my wife to wear lipstick,” said Old McDonald, “but now I can see she was on to something. Didn’t want to raise the bar too high in the barn. I know neither of these candidate clowns are going to make us prosperous or safe but somebody has got to bring home the bacon.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“After centuries of being the butt of overweight humor and the more recent hysteria against fat our sows are now burdened with these totally unreasonable expectations of body image and glamor,” said Porky star boar of film and television who often serves as a spokes-swine for his species. “ As if they di-di-di-di-didn’t have enough on their minds with feeding the piglets and keeping the pen tidy,”
Farmers fear that the added stress will result in weight loss and less pork belly profits. “It’s a real concern when major politicians and the media are pressuring your animals to live up to their affluent standards of appearance,” said Old McDonald who has a farm E I E I O. “And a lot of the sows are beginning to refuse mounting because they feel unattractive and unappreciated. It has the boars all frustrated and confused. I can’t tell you how many fights we’ve had in the barn this last week.”
Futures in pork bellies have skyrocketed on the commodities market as rumors of a sex strike among swine circulated while the stocks of cosmetic companies rise in anticipation of a whole new species market.
All this after Governor Palin’s reference to her hockey whore pooch has dog barbers and groomers complaining that their customers were demanding they hire a make up artist to service their pets.
“Dogs are the only animals sophisticated enough to wear makeup,” said Roxy Star well known fashion passion downtown actress and dog friend. “I took my Pokey out the other day and a woman referred to her as a pig because I hadn’t put eyeliner on her. I could see making Pokey up if she were wearing her best sweater and maybe a cap. Then makeup would be appropriate but obscuring her natural beauty everyday just because some politicians are squabbling is stupid.”
“Its about time politicians confronted the cosmetic failings of our domestic animals. It’s a national disgrace how poorly turned out so many of our pets and farm animals are,” said Terre Cherry popular New Jersey DJ, “Everyone knows neither party has a clue about what can be done about the housing market or oil prices so why don’t they take care of our other crises like too many ugly dogs?”
“I can’t even get my wife to wear lipstick,” said Old McDonald, “but now I can see she was on to something. Didn’t want to raise the bar too high in the barn. I know neither of these candidate clowns are going to make us prosperous or safe but somebody has got to bring home the bacon.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Palin Faked Daughter's Pregnancy, Now Daughter is Faking Hers
TOP PICKS FROM THE RNC RUMOR MILL
Palin Faked Daughter’s Pregnancy, Now Daughter is Faking Hers
McCain declined comment saying he didn’t know much about biology.
Fiorina Says Calling Palin a Mother is Sexist
“All we hear about is her executive experience as a mayor and a governor but do you have any idea what it takes to place in a beauty contest?”
Poll Shows 61% of Voters Won’t Vote for Ex-Con McCain
“To the North Vietnamese McCain was a terrorist.”
McCain Accused of Fathering Palin’s Grandchild
“I’m telling you it wasn’t me. It was some liberal community organizer.”
Palin Finally Declined Bridge to Nowhere but Thanks the American People for her New Sun Room
“It faces North by North West and that’s exactly where Putin will come for us.”
Palin Says US ABMs in Poland Will Protect Russia From Invasion from Mars
“Everyone knows that the Red Planet is Communist and aggressive. We had been sending them diplomatic feelers for decades but they’re just the North Korea of Space.”
McCain is Obama’s Father, Biden Sired Palin
This should break the partisan gridlock.
Palin Doesn’t Believe in Evolution
Understandable since there is no sign of it among Alaskans.
Palin Says Community Organizers Caused All of Country’s Woes
Understandable since community organizers in Alaska are referred to in the lower 48 as heads of lynch mobs.
Pairs Hilton Has Never Met Palin
Makes all the other rumors sound plausible.
Palin Denies Putting Lipstick on her Pit-bull
“I’m the bitch in my house, thank you.
Biden Has Offered No Opinion on Palin
Yeah, right.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Palin Faked Daughter’s Pregnancy, Now Daughter is Faking Hers
McCain declined comment saying he didn’t know much about biology.
Fiorina Says Calling Palin a Mother is Sexist
“All we hear about is her executive experience as a mayor and a governor but do you have any idea what it takes to place in a beauty contest?”
Poll Shows 61% of Voters Won’t Vote for Ex-Con McCain
“To the North Vietnamese McCain was a terrorist.”
McCain Accused of Fathering Palin’s Grandchild
“I’m telling you it wasn’t me. It was some liberal community organizer.”
Palin Finally Declined Bridge to Nowhere but Thanks the American People for her New Sun Room
“It faces North by North West and that’s exactly where Putin will come for us.”
Palin Says US ABMs in Poland Will Protect Russia From Invasion from Mars
“Everyone knows that the Red Planet is Communist and aggressive. We had been sending them diplomatic feelers for decades but they’re just the North Korea of Space.”
McCain is Obama’s Father, Biden Sired Palin
This should break the partisan gridlock.
Palin Doesn’t Believe in Evolution
Understandable since there is no sign of it among Alaskans.
Palin Says Community Organizers Caused All of Country’s Woes
Understandable since community organizers in Alaska are referred to in the lower 48 as heads of lynch mobs.
Pairs Hilton Has Never Met Palin
Makes all the other rumors sound plausible.
Palin Denies Putting Lipstick on her Pit-bull
“I’m the bitch in my house, thank you.
Biden Has Offered No Opinion on Palin
Yeah, right.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Headlines Overlooked During DNC
Obama Admits He Doesn't Know How Many Houses John McCain Owns
"I've never had to take John home after chambers and I've only been to Arizona a couple of times. Wonderful state though. May even still be in play. Needs more cities. Michelle's not a desert person."
McCain Hospitalized After Bad Hair Day
A spokesperson for the McCain campaign assured reporters that the Senator's hair was never in danger and that a group of top cosmetic surgeons were being flown in from Los Angeles as he spoke. "Senator McCain is totally in command of the crisis. We can't put America at risk. This could happen on the last day of our convention. John McCain and his campaign are fully focused on finding someone who can comb the Senator's hair."
Fourteen Way Tie For Worst Speech Ever Uttered At Democratic National Convention
"My husband thought I was great and I don't even give head."
"They laughed at the wrong parts."
"No one's afraid of hamburgers anymore."
"Cows have to stop farting. They're melting the polar caps."
"I lost my house."
"I lost my job."
"I lost my health coverage."
"I lost my mind."
"I lost my virginity."
About time.
Don Arrup
Satire1
"I've never had to take John home after chambers and I've only been to Arizona a couple of times. Wonderful state though. May even still be in play. Needs more cities. Michelle's not a desert person."
McCain Hospitalized After Bad Hair Day
A spokesperson for the McCain campaign assured reporters that the Senator's hair was never in danger and that a group of top cosmetic surgeons were being flown in from Los Angeles as he spoke. "Senator McCain is totally in command of the crisis. We can't put America at risk. This could happen on the last day of our convention. John McCain and his campaign are fully focused on finding someone who can comb the Senator's hair."
Fourteen Way Tie For Worst Speech Ever Uttered At Democratic National Convention
"My husband thought I was great and I don't even give head."
"They laughed at the wrong parts."
"No one's afraid of hamburgers anymore."
"Cows have to stop farting. They're melting the polar caps."
"I lost my house."
"I lost my job."
"I lost my health coverage."
"I lost my mind."
"I lost my virginity."
About time.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Obama Soley Responsible for Spike in Oil
Senator Barack Obama admitted today that the most recent McCain ads suggesting he is responsible for the recent spike in oil and gasoline prices were dead on the money- his money and yours.
“Before accepting my party’s nomination for the Presidency of the United States I feel it’s important that the American people understand that my opponent, Senator McCain, is accurate when he says I’m the reason you are paying significantly more for your gasoline and heating oil. Since entering the United States Senate I have acted as a one man country and developed my own diplomatic relations with India and China among others and have pressed them to abandon the bicycle which I assured them makes them look ridiculous and third world to top investors and promised them their economies would thrive if they would just waste more energy. If they could not afford the automobiles I told them to just buy the demon piss and burn in it in ditches. If investors don’t see you doing everything you can to pollute your environment, mortgage your children’s futures while enslaving yourselves to the Middle East terrorist sponsors then they will take their investment dollars elsewhere. India and China listened to me and put incredible demand pressure on the international market driving up the commodity futures Michelle and I have been cornering for the last three years. Understand that each move each breath even every thought that flashes by in my brilliant Ivy head raises the price of your gas and your heating oil.
Now, drilling offshore or in Alaska won’t give you any relief until my daughters are out of the house but it could affect my oil futures now. There are three hundred million people in the United States and I can’t please all of you so I’m going to please myself. Osama and Obama can both get rich on the same paper. McCain married millions while my wife will be taking a brutal pay cut to work twice as hard as First Lady. The American people know how to sacrifice and so I’m asking all of you to give it up at the pump to keep the first family rich. You did it for eight years for younger Bush. I’m asking all of you to do it for my family.
Don Aruup
Satire1
“Before accepting my party’s nomination for the Presidency of the United States I feel it’s important that the American people understand that my opponent, Senator McCain, is accurate when he says I’m the reason you are paying significantly more for your gasoline and heating oil. Since entering the United States Senate I have acted as a one man country and developed my own diplomatic relations with India and China among others and have pressed them to abandon the bicycle which I assured them makes them look ridiculous and third world to top investors and promised them their economies would thrive if they would just waste more energy. If they could not afford the automobiles I told them to just buy the demon piss and burn in it in ditches. If investors don’t see you doing everything you can to pollute your environment, mortgage your children’s futures while enslaving yourselves to the Middle East terrorist sponsors then they will take their investment dollars elsewhere. India and China listened to me and put incredible demand pressure on the international market driving up the commodity futures Michelle and I have been cornering for the last three years. Understand that each move each breath even every thought that flashes by in my brilliant Ivy head raises the price of your gas and your heating oil.
Now, drilling offshore or in Alaska won’t give you any relief until my daughters are out of the house but it could affect my oil futures now. There are three hundred million people in the United States and I can’t please all of you so I’m going to please myself. Osama and Obama can both get rich on the same paper. McCain married millions while my wife will be taking a brutal pay cut to work twice as hard as First Lady. The American people know how to sacrifice and so I’m asking all of you to give it up at the pump to keep the first family rich. You did it for eight years for younger Bush. I’m asking all of you to do it for my family.
Don Aruup
Satire1
Saturday, August 16, 2008
McCain's the White Guy
On the campaign trail:
I’m sorry, McCain, I’m not voting for an ex-con for Big Man.
>I was a prisoner of war in Hanoi, North Vietnam.
What were you doing there?
>I was bombing their logistical lines.
And how was that making things better?
>I loved attacking the enemy.
Now you seem like a reasonable man.
>Yes, I’d say I am a reasonably reasonable man.
So, you do everything for a reason.
>Navy man.
So North Vietnam must have really messed with you.
>They weren’t always gracious hosts for the five years I stayed.
Well, you did bomb them first.
>Because they attacked South Vietnam.
And your cousins lived there.
>No, my honor lived there where my country had made a commitment. I was part of the flesh and blood of that commitment. It was an honor and I always strove to think about it and treat it as such.
On the street in Baltimore:
Yeah, I’m voting for McCain. Why shouldn’t we have a brother in the White Man’s House?
--No, no, McCain’s the white guy.
McCain’s done time and he got his college from being in the service.
--He wasn’t in the service he was in the Navy. He went to that Admirals’ College in Annapolis.
McCain’s got college and prison. He knows war and street.
--What’s his first name?
John.
--That’s the name of a guy who has to buy his ass.
It’s not all that white.
--Pimp’s meat.
What about John Henry—with the hammers?
--I’m telling you McCain’s the white guy. Even his hair is white.
What color’s his wife?
--Rich.
Who doesn’t like that color? Didn’t he grow up in Chicago?
--No, he was born in Coco Solo.
I thought he was from Africa.
--No, Coco Solo is in Panama.
He’s not from Chicago?
--That’s Obama.
No, Obama is Fred Flintstone’s kid.
--No, Bam Bam is Barney Rubble’s kid.
McCain is not a cartoon. I’m telling you he is a brother.
--I’m telling you he’s the white guy.
I know he’s got a white mama.
--They both do.
But I’ve seen pictures of him in the paper. He’s shade, man, just like you and me.
--Obama.
No, no, McCain, the brother.
Don Arrup
Satire1
I’m sorry, McCain, I’m not voting for an ex-con for Big Man.
>I was a prisoner of war in Hanoi, North Vietnam.
What were you doing there?
>I was bombing their logistical lines.
And how was that making things better?
>I loved attacking the enemy.
Now you seem like a reasonable man.
>Yes, I’d say I am a reasonably reasonable man.
So, you do everything for a reason.
>Navy man.
So North Vietnam must have really messed with you.
>They weren’t always gracious hosts for the five years I stayed.
Well, you did bomb them first.
>Because they attacked South Vietnam.
And your cousins lived there.
>No, my honor lived there where my country had made a commitment. I was part of the flesh and blood of that commitment. It was an honor and I always strove to think about it and treat it as such.
On the street in Baltimore:
Yeah, I’m voting for McCain. Why shouldn’t we have a brother in the White Man’s House?
--No, no, McCain’s the white guy.
McCain’s done time and he got his college from being in the service.
--He wasn’t in the service he was in the Navy. He went to that Admirals’ College in Annapolis.
McCain’s got college and prison. He knows war and street.
--What’s his first name?
John.
--That’s the name of a guy who has to buy his ass.
It’s not all that white.
--Pimp’s meat.
What about John Henry—with the hammers?
--I’m telling you McCain’s the white guy. Even his hair is white.
What color’s his wife?
--Rich.
Who doesn’t like that color? Didn’t he grow up in Chicago?
--No, he was born in Coco Solo.
I thought he was from Africa.
--No, Coco Solo is in Panama.
He’s not from Chicago?
--That’s Obama.
No, Obama is Fred Flintstone’s kid.
--No, Bam Bam is Barney Rubble’s kid.
McCain is not a cartoon. I’m telling you he is a brother.
--I’m telling you he’s the white guy.
I know he’s got a white mama.
--They both do.
But I’ve seen pictures of him in the paper. He’s shade, man, just like you and me.
--Obama.
No, no, McCain, the brother.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Oh Eight Oh Ate O Hate Olympics
Though pollution is officially under control, the carbon monoxide levels are still dangerously high. Men and women are asked to respirate on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays while children, athletes and old people may breath at will.
Too many flags, the world is too small. I’m tired of the color, the excitement, the smiles and the youth. There’s nothing to be happy about. Most of you will lose.
Only Batman, the Lone Ranger and the Phantom will be permitted to wear masks. If Superman and Chinaman can take the pollution so should you.
Brett Farve breaks world’s record in false retirements. Red Army team has been delayed by road game in Georgia. Sudan’s Equestrian team is still busy in Darfur. Beach Volleyball is not a sport. Protesting in Tiananmen Square is. 2012 Games should be held in Tibet, which is to say nowhere. Thank god China completely cleaned up its human rights record before the Opening Ceremonies and has allowed the media all the access it promised.
What do I think of the games? Hitler would be proud.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Too many flags, the world is too small. I’m tired of the color, the excitement, the smiles and the youth. There’s nothing to be happy about. Most of you will lose.
Only Batman, the Lone Ranger and the Phantom will be permitted to wear masks. If Superman and Chinaman can take the pollution so should you.
Brett Farve breaks world’s record in false retirements. Red Army team has been delayed by road game in Georgia. Sudan’s Equestrian team is still busy in Darfur. Beach Volleyball is not a sport. Protesting in Tiananmen Square is. 2012 Games should be held in Tibet, which is to say nowhere. Thank god China completely cleaned up its human rights record before the Opening Ceremonies and has allowed the media all the access it promised.
What do I think of the games? Hitler would be proud.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Friday, August 1, 2008
Bernanke Gives Good Fed
And Treasury Secretary Paulson who helped give Bear Sterns the golden sack has hopped into bed with the ménage a trois of Bernanke, Fannie and Fred to make for mixed doubles just in time for the U.S. Open legs tourney. Lets still have an economy after Labor Day. If we don’t have any banks left who is going to foreclose on all those criminals who stole the nation’s homes on credit?
Why bother to foreclose? Just send in Blackwater to kill the T note terrorists where they steal my good sleep in beds pillaged in installments. They’re the ones eating food everyday starving half the world to death. Driving cars and heating homes they never should have possessed in the first place.
McCain’s guy was right about us being a nation of whiners. The price of gas skyrockets to almost half what the rest of the world has been paying for years and all I can think about is that guy in China. I used to make four hundred times his salary and now I only make a hundred times what he makes. I’ve lost three quarters of my income standing still. He and these people with homes are impoverishing me. It’s all a conspiracy
Obama said that McCain’s ad said or implied or lied that Obama doesn’t look like the faces on the dollar bills. That’s a compliment. The numbers are pretty but no one loves those mugs. Boycott the banks and you’ll murder them. Credit cards are suicide. I came, I saw, iPod.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Why bother to foreclose? Just send in Blackwater to kill the T note terrorists where they steal my good sleep in beds pillaged in installments. They’re the ones eating food everyday starving half the world to death. Driving cars and heating homes they never should have possessed in the first place.
McCain’s guy was right about us being a nation of whiners. The price of gas skyrockets to almost half what the rest of the world has been paying for years and all I can think about is that guy in China. I used to make four hundred times his salary and now I only make a hundred times what he makes. I’ve lost three quarters of my income standing still. He and these people with homes are impoverishing me. It’s all a conspiracy
Obama said that McCain’s ad said or implied or lied that Obama doesn’t look like the faces on the dollar bills. That’s a compliment. The numbers are pretty but no one loves those mugs. Boycott the banks and you’ll murder them. Credit cards are suicide. I came, I saw, iPod.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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