In a surprise announcement today on the Feast of Saint Patrick at the grandstand of the famous 5th Avenue Parade in Manhattan, Donald Trump announced that the first immigrants to go when he becomes president would be the “the bottom dregs of Euro Trash Irish and their illegal descendants.”
The announcement drew a Bronx Cheer from the crowd which Trump invited to “kiss my Blarney Stones.” Trump went on to explain that New York City’s government had been hijacked by Tammany Hall pirates, the ISIS of the Nineteenth Century, to suck in the greenest scum of the Emerald Isle and that their Catholic Caliphate still controlled the Big Apple and much of Washington D.C.
“They’ve appointed two dictators over us in the last half century. One for each party!” referring to presidents Kennedy and Reagan. “Their wives of God were walking around hospitals and teaching schools in burqas for Christ’s sake.”
“A lot of my Republican rivals try to canonize Reagan even though he fought relentlessly to get your tax dollars to pay for these private madrasas named after poor people and criminals who died under torture. We’re Americans. We hate poor people. Poor people try to make everyone else poor.”
When reminded by a reporter that he was an ardent Notre Dame football fan Trump replied: “Of course if you live in godforsaken Indiana you’re going to hang out at a French broad’s school and drink beer and knock heads.”
Reporters pressed the Republican frontrunner to deny Irish American contributions to the country and Trump asked them when was the last time they ate in an Irish restaurant. “If you don’t drink whiskey or beer you’re down to potatoes and mutton.”
Since Americans claiming at least some Irish ancestry number over 33 million the deportation could take time. “And we’ll need to build a wall along the Atlantic Ocean and make England pay for it.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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