Say What?

On Friday, August 26 the New York City Taxi and Limousine Commission will cease to test new applicants for English proficiency as a part of their chauffeur license exam. The Councilman who sponsored the bill said that since Uber and Lyft didn’t burden their thugs the city should follow suit and cease to molest prospective cabbies with unreasonable demands like the ability to communicate with riders. 

Satire1, being somewhat familiar with the English language from reading Shakespeare and translating Jane Austin into Valley Girl, ventured out into the streets of New York to find out what New Yorkers had to say about the change.

“You mean, New York taxi drivers were supposed to be able to speak English before this? Since when?”

“I read somewhere that Hillary Clinton could speak English. She had to learn it to go to England a couple of times and there’s like four bathrooms in all of London.”

“There were four bathrooms before The Blitz left Londoners with just one which they call the Loo. They all go down the Tube to do their business whether it’s to blow a fag or open their bumbershoot.”

“I took a class in English in high school and we read about this whoe named Ivan all punked out in armor. Queen Elizabeth Taylor was in the movie and she spoke perfect American.”

“English is like what Klingons and the other ear guys speak on Star Trek. It’s like outer space talk but you can kind of understand it.” 

“A guy in my building speaks English and he lives everyday in the middle of a massacre. Everything’s bloody this and blimey that.”

“Who wants a driver who can understand every intimate secret you and your friends blab on your cell phone?”

“Why would anyone talk to a taxi driver in New York City? No one knows where they are to begin with let alone where they’re going. You hop in a cab in New York just to get the hell away from where you are.”

Don Arrup

Satire1