Chinese President Xi Jing Ping Pong called North Korean Commie King Kim Chub-un
Ping
Kimmie baby, how’s it hanging?
Un
The generals? They’re swinging guys since sunrise.
Ping
I’m sure some of them preferred execution to retirement.
Un
Want me to fire off another dud missile?
Ping
Cool it for a while, Un Bun. Trump’s chumps told their navy to leave our new islands alone.
Un
You mean those sandboxes you threw in the middle of the ocean and dumped enough more to sit an old biplane on?
Ping
Oceanic acquisition. If the Americans let these recent ones go we’ll build an archipelago down and across the Pacific which we’ll rename the Greater China Sea. You’ll be able to spit off the beach of Hawaii and Australia and hit our territorial waters.
Un
Hey Ping Pong, how long do I have to keep up this enfant terrible bit up?
Ping
Just until we buy up the rest of America’s resorts and high tech companies. About ten years.
Un
Trump really is making China great again.
Ping
Yeah, even faster than Obama. And Putin thought he held all the strings when he put him in.
Un
Aren’t you going to let the Russians have anything?
Ping
They can have Syria.
Un
The only country outside Africa that is a bigger mess than mine.
Ping
Hey, whose army has bigger hats?
Un
I’d like to at least change my do.
Ping
The Asian Elvis ducktail is the key to your illusion. You and Trump have the same hairdo. International stability depends upon it. Surely your grand paw and dad told you that image is the only real power there is.
Un
But I’m over thirty-
Ping
Hitler without his mustache looked like butcher’s assistant.
Un
Instead of the biggest butcher in history.
Ping
He gave the industrialists everything they wanted and the industrialists gave his generals everything they wanted. It was a perfect system.
Un
But I don’t have an affluent minority to rob and enslave.
Un
You already own all the richest ones in Asia.
Ping
We don’t poach in South Korea. You’ve got plenty of fat hens to pluck.
Un
I miss sticking my hands in Obama’s pants.
Ping
I miss W’s cowboy jeans. Everything Donald has is in his back pocket.
Un
And he doesn’t carry cash.
Ping
He’d be happy to write you a check.
Un
Yeah, right.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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