April's Fools 19

Bored with the endless rehash of the same old scandals and controversies, Satire1 celebrates its eleventh year by jumping ahead ten years to 2029 to see where these stories are going.

PARLIAMENT MISSES PASSING BREXIT PLAN BY ONE VOTE

Theresa May and the two Prime Ministers of Great Britain who followed her in office (and in committing suicide) almost got what has turned into the Holy Grail of British political history: a plan for formally divorcing the former European Union. There is no indication from either China or Russia which have since divided and annexed the EU as to whether they will consider let alone accept the proposal. 

FULL MUELLER REPORT RELEASED TO PUBLIC

No evidence was found that former president Donald Trump or his successor and current president Donald Trump Jr. had any collusion with Judas Iscariot or Pontius Pilate in the death of Jesus Christ or that any of the Trump campaigns contributed to the rise of Adolph Hitler or Lady Gaga. 

JOE BIDEN CONSIDERING ANOTHER PRESIDENTIAL RUN

Uncle Joe from Scranton, now older than the Constitution he’d swear to uphold, is again considering a run for the Democratic ticket for president. Though his mind never seems to catch up with his busy hands, Joe has explained that he is suffering from a condition that causes him to give vertical massages to any younger female in reach. “My chronically dry hands just gravitate to the softest and most moist flesh,” the former Vice President explained. “And I’d like to apologize to Anita Hill who I should have sat on my lap for the hearings thirty years ago.”

FORMER QUEENS CONGRESSWOMAN ALEXANDRIA O-C REELECTED PRESIDENT OF COCAINIA

The realignment of South and Central America into two drug lorded socialist countries provided the perfect opportunity for AOC to concoct her socialist utopia offering tuition free college (soon as they get a college) and universal health care (soon as they can find a doctor or nurse). Her signature Mean Green Bill of Fights is in full implementation since not a single legitimate industry has survived her first term of office.

And that’s the good news.

Thank you readers.

Don Arrup

Satire1