Last Thursday the full House of Reprehensibles vote to unseat Marjorie Taylor Greene (R Outer Space) from the House Committees on Education and Labor shows just how arrogant and out of touch many members from both parties have become. Since it is miscalled the house “representatives” shouldn’t the legislative body actually represent the wide range of the American people?
Satire1 has gone to the Capitol to interview United States Congresspeople from all parties, regions, races, religions and genders and has guaranteed them anonymity in hope to perhaps get something in the way of their honest views.
Representative Big Ears
“There are definitely too many educated people in the federal government and especially Congress. I attended a state university and am ashamed to say I graduated with horrors. I represent almost exclusively farmers and laborers who were too busy feeding this nation and the world while I spent four years high on the opium of knowledge.”
Rep. High Heels
“This country became the greatest in the world with Founding Fathers whose feet never touched the ground, never told a lie, was filled with happy darkies who were fine with being owned, Injuns that had Thanksgiving with us and then tried to steal our land and millionaires who were ready to share their luck with everyone who bought into the American dream.”
“Then the historians start writing and now everybody’s at each other’s throats.”
Rep. Zoot Suit
“People don’t work hard all their lives just to be oppressed by facts. What are the facts anyway? We’re not the center of God’s universe? We’re just another rock running around a bigger smoldering cinder? We’re not God’s country just a mongrel world mall that was out of reach of Europe while they slaughtered each other and China was still crawling?”
Rep. Big Ass
“My family’s business has been as the biggest sausage maker in our state for over eighty years. Like anyone who makes sausage can tell you- you don’t want to know the truth.”
Rep. Hairdo
“I’ve got constituents in my Town Hall meetings for sometimes over four hours. If I go with the real history which never changes and always turns out the same I’m going to lose the crowd in the first hour. I mean, maybe if I could sing or dance on a professional level I could afford to be honest.”
Rep. String Bean
“You want my honest opinion? What paper do you write for? I don’t know what my honest opinion is until I know who my audience is.”
Rep. Beer Belly
“You want my honest opinion? I can tell you in all honesty that I have no idea what I think. Let me ask my chief of staff or my wife.”
Rep. Flip Flop
“I don’t think MTG doubted that there was a whole bunch of school shootings. She’s just asking what’s the big deal. I’m sure she learned the three R’s in her school in Georgia just like I did in mine in Detroit. Reading, Writing and Revolvers.”
Rep. Skin Tag
“I think Congresswoman Greene is the victim of a lesbian Muslim school nurse. They’re everywhere and their husbands drive taxis.”
Rep. Popeye
“I tinks weze shoulds letz hah stays on da Labah Commitszee. Shez ah muddah and been.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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