After writing over a half million articles, exposes and predictions on the National Football League's Super Bowl Championship game between the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots which plays today sportswriters from almost every newspaper and magazine have confessed that they don't know who will win and many are even threatening to watch the game before writing their post game analysis.
"This is a disaster for newspapers," said Lenore Nevermore, senior editor for the Baltimore News American. "On television you can get away with mumbling a handful of cliches that the public refuses to read even before the Pre Season is over. We print folk have to come up with a story."
"Sometimes the contest will provide that," claims Hermone Gastone who covers the Browns for Cleveland's Plain Dealer. "But most football games are just a bunch of mugs banging heads and somebody wins."
"I just published a four part expose on the officiating for Sports Illustrated," said Joe Boho. "I always said that the refs were paid off and here it turns out its the League that's writing the checks."
"Some of the cheerleaders are not virgins," an anonymous source who's good at getting laid said. "You have a few girls who are kicking up their legs like goalposts for anyone with a team logo T shirt."
"Assistant coaches in the NFL are just dogs," Rap Rapport of the Rap Rapport Sports Wrap Up said. "Even if you treat them to lunch you have to put their plate on the floor."
President Obama weighed in on the issue.
"I'm from Chicago where we can trust the teams to either throw or steal the game. Sports shouldn't be like the weather. It should be like our elections. Clean, fair and fixed. These sportswriters are getting as bad as my intelligence where we have to sit around and wait and see what unfolds. Now, the New England Patriots are dirty enough but the league keeps getting in their way. Seattle is just a bunch a thugs too but their coach looks like he used to model shirts. Used to be Americans could enjoy Super Bowl. Now it's just all one big tease."
Don Arrup
Satire1
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