Vaccinate Against Fear

The recent outbreak of measles in the United States points to a failure of both our national and local governments to educate parents as to the dangers both real and imagined regarding viruses, diseases and the process of vaccination.

The facts:

In 1914, France and England declared war on Germany and the Austrian-Hungarian Empire for promoting it's own version of the virus- the so called "German" measles (Rubella) which combines symptoms of both common measles (Rubeola) and the Mumps (Epidemic Parotitis). Kaiser Wilhelm reasoned that people of Germanic stock (Volk) were hardier and could get both common childhood afflictions over with at once and that the French were taking illegitimate credit for the "French" fry which everyone knew actually came out of Belgium. 

Four years and thirteen and half million bodies later the opposing nations peacefully decided to disagree and allowed viruses to cross borders so that children everywhere could enjoy nature's full bounty of pestilence. Ironically. in the midst of the Great War the Spanish Influenza killed twenty to fifty million- enough to excuse Spain from fighting in the next world war.

In the early 1960's scientists had developed an effective vaccine MMR which replaced the standard treatments of decapitation and body burning for measles and mumps. Within a decade the beheading of infected children around the world was replaced by two shots given in the first five years of life. The vaccine proved so effective that by the millennium any recent rise in childhood ailments was blamed on the MMR vaccine.

Opinions:

"Our children showed no signs of autism when the guillotine was the cure for mumps and measles. It stopped the spread dead and there were no side effects," said Medusa Robespierre of the Death To All Vaccinators Coalition. 

"I never liked chopping kids heads off but it sure beats the plagues of autism and attention deficit disorder we have today."

"If parents don't want their kids vaccinated then chop the kids heads off. The parents have lost their heads. Let the kids join them."

Don Arrup

Satire1