In a surprising and inexplicable move today the Hellenic Parliament in Athens voted unanimously to remove the battle flag of the Confederate States of America from all of its government buildings and toilet seats. Known as the Stars and Bars the red background with blue intersecting diagonal starred stripes has become synonymous with romantics and racists who can’t accept that the seceding American states lost their war one hundred and fifty years ago.
Though Greece is contemplating seceding from the European Union no one expects Germany or France to attempt to prevent it with a force of arms. “Merkel is not Lincoln,” said French Ambassador Pierre Dichard. “For one thing, there is the beard.”
“We Greeks feel that the Germans are trying to enslave us to our financial obligations.” said Not Socrates, a taxi driver in Athens. “I started charging men fish for their fare and I’ll take women for as far as a hand job lasts. It worked out fine earlier in the week but now I’m sick of fish and I can barely walk.”
Other Greek Citizens weighed in:
“I think American bigots should use the Swastika. The burning cross is more specific but you can make your point without any second hand racism bothering the kids with asthma.”
“I hate Asians and even the United States doesn’t have a decently organized group of yahoos to emulate. Asians were so universally hated by white Americans that the only symbol against the ‘Yellow Menace’ was the Stars and Stripes.”
“New York City was Greece in the 1970’s. Everybody on welfare or drugs. Nobody bailed the Apple out and now it tears down the world.”
“How can you have an American Women’s Soccer team? The athletes in America don’t even know what gender they are. They should lend Greece money. We invented lesbians.”
“We had slaves in Classical times but then the Romans enslaved us and then the Franks enslaved all of us. That’s why Greeks don’t pay taxes.”
“This whole thing has been really bad for my pants.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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