Stan and Sara Lee R.I.P.

Marvel Comics genius Stan Lee and his billionaire baker wife Sara Lee passed away in their Los Angeles home Monday. Medical examiners have determined that the cause in both cases was death. 

“From the contents of their refrigerator I’d say it was either someone’s birthday everyday” said family physician Doctor Strange, “or somebody liked cake.”

The couple’s cardiologist, Doctor Doom, painted a less upbeat appraisal of their demise. “They were both in their mid 90’s and they ate like teenagers.”

Satire1 having grown tired of the endless stream of appraisals from comic aficionados and pop culture critics has sought out comments from the characters Stan and Sara created.

“I haven’t felt incredible once since hearing the news of Stan’s passing, said The Hulk. “The Thing is inconsolable. I’ve knocked on his rock for days and he won’t come out from under it.”

“I’m rusting with tears at Stan and Sara’s passing,” added Iron Man. “ And it’s not like you’re going to loosen me up with a couple of squirts from an oil can like that floozie Tin Man.”

“The news knocked me right off my board,” said Silver Surfer. “I was just an extra getting blasted by death beams or swallowed by mechanical mega-sharks in Aquaman over at DC when Stan offered me my own comic if I made the jump to Marvel.”

“I couldn’t catch anything in my web until Stan tied me up with Marvel and spread me over the globe,” said Black Widow (no relation to Spider Man). “I was living on flies until he gave me a break.”

“I was dying of undiagnosed Diabesity and didn’t even know it,” said All Butter Pound Cake. “Sara Lee standardized me and I’ve been going strong since Hitler and the caves.”

“Everyone avoided me like I was a black cat on Friday 13,” said Black Panther. “Then Stan fixed me up with Marvel and the rest is Hollywood.”

“The New York Mets would have never given me a tryout if I didn’t already have my own comic book,” said Thor. “Stan really helped me out but I wish he would have made me less injury prone.”

“I was always considered the gay dessert until Mrs. Lee took me in,” said Banana Cream Pie. “Since then I’ve been welcome in Christian homes across the Midwest and South. I’ve even been served at church functions!” 

 Professor X and Pepper Potts held a separate memorial for the creations of the Lees in Downtown Los Angeles if there is such a place Friday morning.

“Nobody appears able to get a hold of Spider Man since Stan died,” the Professor said.

“Peter Parker was an orphan raised by a nymphomaniac and a rice merchant,” said Pepper Potts. “And when Stan found rice in Sara’s hair...”

Don Arrup

Satire1