Atlanta Debate

Racist Madcow

Senator Caramel Harry, who dresses worse?  Colonel Bernie or Donald Trump? You have two minutes to answer.

Sen. Harry

White men have no style. They all look like Gomer Pyle after he was kicked out of the Marines.

Madcow

Mayor Buddhajugs, same question but between Senator War-on and Hillary Clinton.

Buddhajugs

No one can dress worse than Hillary Clinton and she’s not in this race.

Madcow

You wish. Senator Colonel Sanders, Nancy Pelosi or the Aloha lay on your left- who looks like crap?

Sanders

Congresswoman Scabbard isn’t to the left of anyone on this stage. Maybe to the left of Adolf Hitler and Donald Chump. And Nancy Pelosi isn’t in this race.

Senator Globutcher

No, she’s busy beating off Donald Trump everyday.

Madcow

Doesn’t leave much for the First Lady to do.

Globutcher

And may I say it is about time we started having a substantive debate about real women’s issues like who dresses better and who needs to gain weight.

Senator War-on

Not me. Not me.

Globutcher

No, precisely you. American women already have to put up with wafer thin models, actresses and  cancer patients. Now you want them to have to look at another skinny woman when the news is on. You’re a disgrace to women’s appetites and farmers.

Joe Biter

I offered Lizzy half my hotdog in Iowa.

Madcow

You will be given an opportunity to respond during the commercial, Viceroy.

Yang Guy

How come you never ask me any questions?

Madcow

Because I know your answer.

Yang

Fine, but maybe some of the voters in the audience haven’t heard me yet.

Madcow

I’m sorry, what did you say?

Globutcher

Ask him a question, Racist. He looks like somebody pissed in his pencil case.

Madcow

Okay, Yin Yang Bang, how can you give every American citizen a thousand dollars a month and not explode the national debt?

Yang

Easy, I’m going to tax every American citizen one hundred and ten percent of their income. That will wipe out the nation’s debt in my first term.

Sanders

He stole my tax plan!

War-on

Only after I did.

Madcow

Order, order. One more outburst of agreement among the candidates on anything except trashing Trump and I’ll end this debate.

Biter

This is a date?

Senator Cory Boo

Moderator Madcow, how come you haven’t asked me how I turned the urban swamp of Newark, New Jersey into the world’s only true Disney City complete with a Sesame Street in every neighborhood and the highways paved in linoleum?

Madcow

Because it never happened.

Boo

Let’s say, for the sake of debate, that it did.

Madcow

Off with his head!

Boo

This is Atlanta, not Wonderland.

Tom Sty

I have a Constitutional question.

Biter

Then ask me. I helped write the Constitution with Tommy Jeff and his son and got my adopted state of Delaware to be the first to adopt it.

Madcow

Excuse me, string bean, who are you and what are you doing on the debate stage? 

Tom Sty

I’m Tommy Sty and I bought my way on.

Globutcher

He went from big donor to big boner.

Madcow

I thought you were a single issue asshole. Wasn’t it climate change last week?

Tom Sty

I change with the weather.

Don Arrup

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