(Dark Master Bedroom at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington D.C.)
Ghost of Roy Cohn
Donnn-ald. Donnnnn-ald.
Trump
What? Who? Secret Service? Joint Chiefs? Fox News?
Roy
I am the ghost of your mentor, Roy Cohn.
Trump
Hey Roy, what brings you back this chilly eve?
Roy
I’ve come back to warn you.
Trump
Warn me about what?
Roy
Drop the protest.
Trump
You want me to admit defeat? It was your first, third and last rule: never admit defeat.
Roy
Look, Donald, you did win. You won big time last time and this time you won even bigger. 7 million voters bigger. There is nothing loser about you. If Joe got more, who cares?
Trump
That would make me a loser.
Roy
Look, your solid people will jump off a bridge for you but there isn’t enough of them.
Trump
Enough to win the presidency twice.
Roy
You’re starting to sound like a loser.
Trump
A loser?
Roy
Or worse- a whiner. Don- Donald. Listen to me. I’ve risen up from New Jersey to advise you. Take it as a break. He’ll have to make a lot of decisions you really don’t want to make. Let the Dems clean up the mess and then you spank them in 24. I’m telling you, it’s better this way.
Trump
I’ll lose the front page.
Roy
Joey’s going to have to tell Americans how to live their lives and what to wear and that never works. That along with appointing enough minorities to piss off independents and it still won’t be enough to keep the progressives from marching every time they get a new t shirt.
Trump
Fox and the New York Times will mention Joe more often than me.
Roy
Whenever you want some attention just announce a rally. You could pack Madison Square Garden in Socialist New York City. Forget the press conferences in the Rose Garden. You can sell out the Rose Bowl in Communist California. Then the media and public won’t be getting you for free all the time. What are you giving it all away for? The big White House?
Trump
First Covid started knocking me to the second story and now Joe has.
Roy
You passed all the tax cuts you can for now. Nothing’s regulated anymore. You’re leaving Joe a crippled economy just like Georgie left Obama. It’s the Republican way. Let the Dems clean it up. Nobody gets credit for cleaning up the mess. It just makes you look like the maid.
Trump
I’ve got to keep them angry.
Roy
Not angry. Mad. You need to keep your people mad. Just a little crazy but still controllable. Just like the Dems. That’s the game. That’s what sells commercial air time. Gets folks in trailer parks and projects to write checks or at least show up.
Trump
I’m not conceding.
Roy
That’s not what I’m recommending. Don’t concede. Take a hit for unity. Be the bigger man. A classy martyr- not a loser victim.
Trump
A loser victim?
Roy
Then you’d have to go back to being a Democrat.
Trump
How do I do this?
Roy
Look, I’ve got two more clients I have to pow wow with tonight.
Trump
Who’s more important than the President of the United States?
Roy
Exactly, Dick’s going through a rough patch.
Trump
Nixon?
Roy
It’s been a tough year for everybody. But don’t worry. I fixed you up with three advisors.
Trump
Are they dead too?
Roy
Judge for yourself. The first advisor will be here when the clock strikes one. Try to get some sleep before that.
Trump
I’m teeing off at 8.
Roy
You might get your eighteen holes tonight.
Trump
Roy, can you dead see the future?
Roy
She’ll come at three. Remember me..!
Don Arrup
Satire1
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