Declutter Bug

Tokyo YoYo gave a talk and signing at the Towson Barnes and Noble on York Road just north of Baltimore City on Friday, May 1st on her new book, Get the Shit OUT! which is being marketed as a companion to her international bestseller You Have Too Much Shit! Tokyo who lives in a 102 by 190 inch sarcophagus efficiency in Tokyo's fashionable  Kubukicho vertical red light district has been the world's most popular de-clutter motivational speaker for nearly a decade.

YoYo's philosophy on de-cluttering is to discard any object or relationship that doesn't lord you over your family and neighbors. Basic necessities and "objects of empowerment" like flashy jewelry, revealing clothing, firearms and anything obviously made of gold are favored over family heirlooms, personal mementos and "crap that does nothing but look cute."

"Families with cannons in their front yards rarely suffer burglary," YoYo said. "And almost no one including the police and fire departments parks in front of their house." 

Reporters asked YoYo what she thought of the recent rioting in nearby Baltimore City to which she responded:

"We don't have minorities in Japan except Okinawans who live on their own island for the most part. We did, however, hate Koreans and other Asians and enslaved them in the last century but we shrug that off for the most part."

"In America you have all peoples so your opportunity for hatred and oppression is unequaled. Since Obama was elected many commentators spoke of a "post racial" America. We Japanese knew that that was a joke. Using a black straw man to create a shadow Lincoln and sending cameras to a little park where a handful of outcasts were going to organize the world against the one percent who own them. But the "occupiers" weren't good singers so that unreality show closed tent and the nation held its breath till this Fiftieth Anniversary Civil Rights circus could gather steam."

"Cellphones mean that everybody can be in the movie and the shooting need never end. All you need is a couple of cops who think they're in 12 Years a Slave and some neighbors who think they're in Selma and you can burn a whole city down."

Don Arrup

Satire1