The Invention of Fire
JB conceded this to the Greek god Prometheus during his first campaign for public office.
Cleansing the Sins of the World
Joe attributed this to Jesus early in his career but was recently quoted: “But hey, who was down there at the cross comforting his mother Mary and the ho he had hooked up with?”
Valley Forge
“Okay, that was mostly Washington. I admit it. But who do you think told him to go from my home state to the state I represented in Congress for two thousand years? And just try transporting hot coffee and blueberry hardtack all the way from Scranton on Christmas Eve.”
Victory at Gettysburg
“I had to turn that beard Meade around in Scranton and point him in the direction of the shoe factory General Lee was heading for.”
D Day
“I was a few decades late but I still ruined the best pair of deck shoes I ever owned on Omaha Beach. The price of freedom.”
Invention of Television
“I have witnesses. My cousin Ruthie remembers the day. The whole family was seated listening to Bob Hope on the radio and I said ‘Hey, everybody’s facing it. They should add picture to the sound like the movies do.’ TV was totally my idea.”
Moon Landing
“They wanted me to go on that one but my mother in law was getting a hip replacement that summer.”
Invention of Internet
“Gore kept claiming he created the internet. Bellowing it in every interview like a typical VP wannabe. When years before he had even heard of computers I was writing emails almost daily to fellow legislators, constituents and the press. I’ve got them all on floppy disks I keep in shoe boxes in my garage. I just didn’t have any way to send them. I mean, I was internetting everyday. Where the hell were all the engineers?”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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