President Trump today tweeted that not only was Great Briton withdrawing from the European Union today but it was pulling its signature language, English, from the Internet, North America and India in the next phase of its withdraw from the Earth and human race.
“We’ll have to go back to speaking American,” tweeted the president this morning. “We’re still allies with GB and if they want their language back I’ll see to it that they get it.”
Francophiles in Canada’s Quebec Province rejoiced as our northern neighbor will return to being a primarily former French Colony that speaks only French.
“English is impossible. Nobody can speak it,” says Lucky Pierre of Montreal. “Cough should be pronounced cow but nobody wants to have a cow anymore. Even I Love Lucy Ball.”
A bastard language at best, English is mostly German with a heavy dose of French along with some Danish sprinkled in. The ugly offspring of a lingual menage a trois has a grammatical structure at war with itself that only professional academics and editors pretend to understand.
There are no rules of spelling and pronunciation that stand up to even a four year old’s vocabulary.
China, who manufactures everything in your life save the gas you pass, quickly changed all brand names, instructions, labels and books to Mandarin making it the default language of the Internet and business virtually and physically overnight.
“Italian certainly has the most colorful obscene gestures,” said Tawhua Babel, chief editor of the Oxford Standard Dictionary, “but you can’t beat old English for telling you where to go or what to do to yourself.”
“So, while it’s still available outside our borders be sure to tell everyone you know fuck you.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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