It really is a world wide web
The question is who’s the spider?
I’ve never owned a hell phone
Never text or twittered
I’m disconnected
Single in the Stone Age
Crawling through a wire
While others surf microwaves
Its killed single dating
There is only double dating
Guys ask out a woman and her cell phone
To join him and his cell phone
They’ll never be alone
Why wait till tomorrow to enjoy the date
Fodding the fodder to your friends
Text them blow by blow
With photos of yourself
In the bathroom
I like email
Playing army men
Free pornography
And Fantasy Football
Not so big on being followed
Profiled
Custom brainwashed
Maybe we already live in China
I stare at screens too much
Like now
Outside the trees are bouquets
When the Sun shines
Women
Walk the streets with bare legs
Don Arrup
Satire1
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
N Korea Inc.
The Joint Chiefs of Staff have asked Congress to pass legislation allowing the Pentagon to sell theater or low radiation neutron shells and warheads in order to avoid being permanently out of the lucrative international market in nuclear weapons.
“We can’t let North Korea and Pakistan capture the whole market with that atomic junk they’re peddling. Every country that will survive as a country will be nuclear. Either by owning a trustworthy atomic devise or being reduced to glowing ashes. The genie is out of the bottle. We can’t allow the destruction of life on Earth without getting a piece of the action. “
Proponents claim that profits from sales to the 42 countries that don’t hate us could compensate for the coming cuts in defense spending.
“The North Koreans are making billions not millions on secret sales to rogue nations and terrorist organizations while the Pakis are sometimes giving it away to anyone who has a gripe with India. They’re making friends and they’re making money. We have better stuff laying around waiting to be disarmed.”
“Why buy something that could blow up in your face? We have the only product with a proven track record. Just say Hiroshima and Nagasaki and we’ve got ourselves a sale.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“We can’t let North Korea and Pakistan capture the whole market with that atomic junk they’re peddling. Every country that will survive as a country will be nuclear. Either by owning a trustworthy atomic devise or being reduced to glowing ashes. The genie is out of the bottle. We can’t allow the destruction of life on Earth without getting a piece of the action. “
Proponents claim that profits from sales to the 42 countries that don’t hate us could compensate for the coming cuts in defense spending.
“The North Koreans are making billions not millions on secret sales to rogue nations and terrorist organizations while the Pakis are sometimes giving it away to anyone who has a gripe with India. They’re making friends and they’re making money. We have better stuff laying around waiting to be disarmed.”
“Why buy something that could blow up in your face? We have the only product with a proven track record. Just say Hiroshima and Nagasaki and we’ve got ourselves a sale.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Budget Blanket Bingo
Gang of six, Ryan’s revolution, debt ceiling, that huge commission Obama created and never listened to. Confused?
Satire1 has been cataloguing the wide range of proposals coming out of Congress on how to address the long-term budget deficit. Chose your favorite three and email your Representative and Senator.
Tax candidate’s campaign funds as income. We all know they’re working for it.
Tax every church and nonprofit that doesn’t believe in my God.
Dissolve the Office of the First Lady. It’s nepotism pure and simple. The President should sleep with his running mate.
(Put the vice back in the Vice Presidency.)
Since the Moon is an American colony we should charge for the use of its image in foreign publications and video.
Extend the Death Tax to include a partial write off for salvation and heavy penalties for damnation.
(Don’t let the Devil get his due.)
Soak the rich.
Forget the poor.
Tax profits and fund losses out of existence.
(Level the playing field.)
Rebuild the nation’s infrastructure. Build three more US Treasury mints and get the presses rolling.
Set up special panels to investigate whether chronically ill patients on Medicaid or Medicare are secretly Canadian.
Return hospice care to the basements of funeral homes.
(Will cut health care costs in half.)
Raise Social Security eligibility to age 90.
Charge countries for their liberation.
Tax sex that doesn’t result in pregnancy.
Recalculate poverty level by global standards.
(Fifteen bucks a day, you’re fat.)
Don Arrup
Satire1
Satire1 has been cataloguing the wide range of proposals coming out of Congress on how to address the long-term budget deficit. Chose your favorite three and email your Representative and Senator.
Tax candidate’s campaign funds as income. We all know they’re working for it.
Tax every church and nonprofit that doesn’t believe in my God.
Dissolve the Office of the First Lady. It’s nepotism pure and simple. The President should sleep with his running mate.
(Put the vice back in the Vice Presidency.)
Since the Moon is an American colony we should charge for the use of its image in foreign publications and video.
Extend the Death Tax to include a partial write off for salvation and heavy penalties for damnation.
(Don’t let the Devil get his due.)
Soak the rich.
Forget the poor.
Tax profits and fund losses out of existence.
(Level the playing field.)
Rebuild the nation’s infrastructure. Build three more US Treasury mints and get the presses rolling.
Set up special panels to investigate whether chronically ill patients on Medicaid or Medicare are secretly Canadian.
Return hospice care to the basements of funeral homes.
(Will cut health care costs in half.)
Raise Social Security eligibility to age 90.
Charge countries for their liberation.
Tax sex that doesn’t result in pregnancy.
Recalculate poverty level by global standards.
(Fifteen bucks a day, you’re fat.)
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, April 2, 2011
April Fool 2911
Okay, so here we are two and a half years into the Great Recession, just days before a federal government shutdown, home prices falling, oil and food prices rising, flying into another war wearing a NATO T shirt. Baseball opened in the snow. Football will be played in the courtrooms. And the worst Academy Awards broadcast ever.
Still, we’re lucky compared to most of the world. China is literally running out of women. The Arab world has run out of bullshit. Europe has nothing but and Japan is shaken, soaked and burning.
Why doesn’t this make us feel better? Our rivals and enemies are crumbling while we’re only falling, rising and stumbling. We should be happy but instead we are scared.
A decade from now, when Canada and Nepal dominate the world things will be different. California and Japan will be physically and politically part of the Philippines, the preeminent Asian power. The Divided States of America embroiled in over two hundred border wars and contested control of key highways. Europeans will have returned to slaughtering each other over copyright infringements and soccer games. Israel will be a Muslim state after Iran and Saudi Arabia converted to Judaism. While the Caribbean Islands becomes the center of world finance and shoe fashion.
Sitcoms will have gone the way of Soap Operas. Broadway will be all nursing homes and gay clubs as if it wasn’t already. Sports will be played by robots and music replaced by digital stethoscopes with which people will dance to the grind of their own internal organs.
There will still be taxes on everything. Debt will begin at birth, as parents will no longer foot the bills for their offspring. Schools will be mandatory and charge college like tuition graduating citizen serfs whose sole freedom is to vote for the Board of Directors which replaced Congress and the Robber Baron who acts as executive. A bank charter will replace the Constitution.
Marriage will be illegal for all while prostitution will be considered a rite of passage for young folk and the best means of erasing the accrued debt of their upbringing. Romance will be treated as a mental illness and Love recognized as the delusional psychosis it has always been.
The world’s population will hold at about 22 billion. The oceans will be lifeless and only twelve other species larger than insects will survive. Genetically altered corn will be the only crop and dog the only meat. All diseases will be fatal including acne and halitosis. Still McDonald’s will thrive.
Or not.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Still, we’re lucky compared to most of the world. China is literally running out of women. The Arab world has run out of bullshit. Europe has nothing but and Japan is shaken, soaked and burning.
Why doesn’t this make us feel better? Our rivals and enemies are crumbling while we’re only falling, rising and stumbling. We should be happy but instead we are scared.
A decade from now, when Canada and Nepal dominate the world things will be different. California and Japan will be physically and politically part of the Philippines, the preeminent Asian power. The Divided States of America embroiled in over two hundred border wars and contested control of key highways. Europeans will have returned to slaughtering each other over copyright infringements and soccer games. Israel will be a Muslim state after Iran and Saudi Arabia converted to Judaism. While the Caribbean Islands becomes the center of world finance and shoe fashion.
Sitcoms will have gone the way of Soap Operas. Broadway will be all nursing homes and gay clubs as if it wasn’t already. Sports will be played by robots and music replaced by digital stethoscopes with which people will dance to the grind of their own internal organs.
There will still be taxes on everything. Debt will begin at birth, as parents will no longer foot the bills for their offspring. Schools will be mandatory and charge college like tuition graduating citizen serfs whose sole freedom is to vote for the Board of Directors which replaced Congress and the Robber Baron who acts as executive. A bank charter will replace the Constitution.
Marriage will be illegal for all while prostitution will be considered a rite of passage for young folk and the best means of erasing the accrued debt of their upbringing. Romance will be treated as a mental illness and Love recognized as the delusional psychosis it has always been.
The world’s population will hold at about 22 billion. The oceans will be lifeless and only twelve other species larger than insects will survive. Genetically altered corn will be the only crop and dog the only meat. All diseases will be fatal including acne and halitosis. Still McDonald’s will thrive.
Or not.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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