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Don Arrup
Satire1
Susan Page, Moderator/Referee
Welcome Senator Caramel Harris and Vice Squad Mike Pence and thank you for participating in the 2020 Vice Presidential Apology. Both of your campaigns have agreed to the rules. There will be no addressing the questions put forth to you from myself. You are not to allow, under any circumstances, your opponent to speak without interruption. Your allotted times to ignore my questions are not to be observed and I am to be completely ignored after fielding my fruitless questions.
Though we will tolerate a certain sprinkling of verifiable, factual information, it can never be used as the main point of the lie you are trying to sell.
In order to move the farce along and provide a fuzzier picture of the arguments allow me to recommend some time disgraced traditions from past debates. If asked a question about your opponent lie about yourself. If asked a question about yourself lie about your opponent. Acts of God are to be prosecuted as the sole responsibility of your rival’s political party and human caused disasters generally attributed to your own party’s insanity are to be blamed on the Almighty.
Super Social Distance is to be maintained behind the pixie glass and there are to be no pets allowed in the debate hall even though no debate will take place here. That includes Vice Squad Pence’s comfort fly and the cooties attributed to Senator Harris by the racist white boys at the school she was bussed to in fourth grade.
If the candidates will briefly spank themselves to indicate agreement with the rules we can begin.
Vice Squad Pence, what Wednesday evening prime time programing would you care to apologize to the American people for denying them?
Pence
Nashville.
Page
Senator Hair?
Harris
Blackish.
Page
And how has your opponent’s campaign and record in public office drained both the American people’s favorite shows and present sex life of any semblance of satisfaction or even simple diversion? Vice Pence?
Pence
Country music was born out of fracking. Biden’s embrace of the radical Islamic Chinese Green New Deal will raise middle class taxes and make it unaffordable to be either white or heterosexual in the United States for generations to come.
Page
Harris?
Harris
The Trump Administration’s crotch grab on Lady Liberty suppressing votes, strangling dissent, demonizing the poor and disenfranchised will enslave immigrants and put Putin’s penis in the mouth of every patriotic American.
Page
Please, Vice Pence, Senator Harry, don’t hold back. We are using up valuable air time.
Don Arrup
Satire1
