The Clinton Foundation announced today that they will no longer accept mob or drug cartel money if Hillary is elected president. “We might also stop accepting funds from foreign governments and corporations since their motives could be suspect,” said wife Bill who will resign from the foundation’s board in order to serve either as first spouse or the two hundred and forty two years for perjury and philandering.
When asked about the strain on his marriage caused by Hillary’s campaign former president Bill said, “I did not have sex with that woman.”
The State Department concedes that the 400 million in twenties the President had to personally deliver to the Iranian Embassy might have helped grease the recent hostage exchange but Obama categorically denies that his dancing the Tango with all the mullahs present was their idea.
Donald Trump fired his family yesterday and has married/adopted/hired the Kardashians and told them to get some peroxide. The Make America Great Again Circus while be touring Milwaukee, St. Louis and all states south. Tickets can be purchased through Trumpcasino.com. Admission free to fully robed Klans folk and those dressed as Confederate battle standards.