Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Hey, Ho, Were Gone


Just one week after the passing of Tommy Erdelyi aka Tommy Ramone, the last surviving member of the original pioneering punk band The Ramones, Pope Francis read a Declaration of Sainthood naming Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee and Tommy Ramone as canonized saints of the Roman or Ramones Catholic Church. 

Explaining that not only was Sheena but Jesus too was a punk rocker, Pope Francis said that any concerned soul looking at this world wants a lobotomy, shock treatment or sedation. The College of Cardinals is full of pinheads and it would be better to beat the brat with a baseball bat than to rape him. 

Cutting edge music critics and evangelical underground poets long recognized the divinity of the fathers of punk who would change popular music around the world without ever creating a top selling song or album. The Ramones were Mad Magazine's idea of a garage band from Queens and they played it loud and they played it fast and most of all they played it fun.

Don Arrup
Satire1 

Friday, July 11, 2014

Pied Piper


It may have been a different situation in Saxony a millennium ago. Maybe drug dealers weren't enslaving teenagers or gangs recruiting members and girlfriends at the end of a barrel. Maybe the Piper just got rid of the rats and didn't get paid.

But everybody pays.

Obama passes the Dream Act by executive order. He must have been dreaming thinking that anything could be done about immigration without at least half the country waking up. But holding children responsible for the sins of their parents is un-American (only God and Stalin do that) so even a three pack a day smoker could hold his breath until Congress took another recess. Wave bye bye from the White Porch and sign a bill that didn't have snowball's chance on Lady GaGa's lap in the House of Representatives.

And the New Children's Crusade shows up at our southern border. 

Guess they can't read the No Admittance signs. Or can but like all the adults that have been pouring over they don't care. Permiso is the new ad campaign of the coyotes and it is music to the ears of boys and girls afraid of their own societies.

Republicans blame Obama's overriding their votes. Obama blames the House Republicans who talk action but are stifled by their Tea Party minority. So what do we get? The New Children's Crusade. So who benefits? 

The lying, raping, scumbag coyotes who get paid no matter what happens to their victim/fugitive/clients. No matter what we do about this latest crisis and subsequent border crises these coyote rats are never led away for long. They always come back.

So who's the real Pied Piper here? Is it the coyotes with their campaign of misinformation or the drug cartels and gangs making being young in Central American countries so dangerous or is it the Republicans who obstruct comprehensive policy or Obama who makes shortcuts seem the way to go?

I don't know how bad it will have to get before the country acts. Sure, we'll probably get it wrong. We've done nothing but get it wrong since Reagan declared amnesty and then didn't close the borders. But since we haven't taken charge the coyotes have. 

Don Arrup
Satire1

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

My Angel Bunny Yeah


On March 10, 1956, Americans weren't as gullible as they are today. The myth of a golden west coast was understood to be just that, a myth. Southern California was well known to be the Jersey Shore where all the movies were made since Edison invented the moving image camera. As more of the overcrowded NorthEast crowded into the Garden State's shore line something had to give. So the politicians in Trenton hired a Madison Avenue public relations firm to redirect the blind masses flocking to their waterways.

Florida would have to become the new southern California. Alligators, orange groves and swamp land speculators were going to have to make way for Americans seeking a new start in life. The myth of California was never given much attention except in children's and comic books, a land of cowboys, movie stars, car hops, and burger joints. Where wine was grown on wine vines and vegetables sprung out of seeds planted in soil without the nourishment of virgin's blood or cat eyes. It was a joke to adults until the Great Depression struck and John Steinbeck wrote a gritty fantasy about Mid Western farmers who travel to an Oz called California.

Marguerite Annie Johnson from Saint Louie, Moe, about as far west as you can actually go on the real North American continent, escaped her abusive childhood and studied Modern Dance in the part of northern Florida that poses as San Francisco. Born in the month of Ape in 28 she was shapely, eloquent, talented in voice and movement and making a living at the famous Purple Onion jazz nightclub. She was a negro as the saying goes at that time. Before Stokely Carmichael would declare her black and the Gestopo of political correctness would hyphenate her a bridge between two continents (African-American).

In her dressing room after an exhausting turnabout in silver corset and high feathers entered a tall stretch of curvy nature path looking for a friend and model for her next magazine cover. Linnea Eleanor Yeager who marched out of her mother in 29 to leave the fashion world blind with sunshine and color. Who popularized the bikini on both sides of the camera. Took girlie peekaboo to new heights and subtle depths undreamt of in the then current erotica. 

Both women forged their own destinies and identities. Marguerite became Maya and Linnea chose Bunny. Maya partnered with Alvin Ailey, sang Calypso on records and in movies, wrote great autobiographies and books of poetry and became a spokeswoman for her race. Bunny took a Parisian curiosity and made her own bikinis for herself and her models- when they were wearing something- and popularized tasteful and even artistic glamor girlie photography, outdoor shots and Bettie Page. Bunny also authored books, acted in movies and sang in nightclubs. 

Both perfect marriages of brains, beauty and creativity.

Maya was skeptical of the tall brunet with the camera. She looked like a chorus girl and competition though she knew few women could do what she could do. Maya had been a sex worker and Madame just down state in supposed San Diego and knew what kind of pictures men wanted of healthy women of her race. She could believe that this Bunny had posed herself many times but what was her angle? Natural? That's just buck naked. What else could natural mean?

Maya looked at Bunny's book. Strange photographs of pretty white women naked in cars or on the beach. There were a lot of a woman with a girl's face, big behind and black bangs sitting in a leopard skin with two leopards. Was she nuts? Maya was becoming My Angelou so she declined the opportunity to share her considerable endowments with the masses.

Though she didn't offer her image to Bunny to bounce photons off of, Maya offered her salt sister this observation:

I can see you can see
On land and sea
In air in night in dark in light
That which escapes the drooling ape
Gaping at dirty pictures
Of women who disappear as they undress
Reduced to gross anatomy
Lost is their personality
Their spirit and their unique beauty

You take pictures of girls
Dancing in women's bodies
Banishing inhibition, shame and claiming ownership
To what their mothers and Mother Nature hath bequeathed them
You are a true revolutionary

Their paths would never cross again in this life. In Florida-afornia, where the Gulf of Mexico masquerades as the Pacific Ocean for Asian tourists and computer geeks remaking the world in the valley of plastic tits, all history is bent by the mirror of memory and manipulation. Maya never stopped believing in California as she stared left of Texas into the infinite desert that stretched to the Sun. Bunny never hopped past Chicago where Hugh Hefner's empire was her stepping stone to independence. 

In the last week of May this year both finally went to California and I'll miss them.

Don Arrup
Satire1

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Some Wars Never End


As Russia reasserts control over its southern neighbors Germany and Japan have been quietly amassing power over their continents under the guise of investment and economic integration. 

German Chancellor  Merkle has literally imposed a New Order on the European Union now that France's fiscal pants are down. With England using the channel and its own currency to protect its sovereignty from the German bizkreig, smaller European countries have been abandoned and are slowly strangling in Deutschland's octopus grip.

Known now as Mercules or "The Fuhrera" Merkel follows the American Marshall Plan of conquest providing "aid" to its struggling EU partners in the form of addictive cheap credit until the spineless governments put their spoiled citizenry's future in German pockets.

You need the strongest army in the world if you want to hang the Black, Red and Gold or Swastika all over Europe and the world but America gets in everywhere with the Golden Arches and Coke's swirly band and all the armies in the world can't get rid of them.

Merk the Herc dismissed genocide as immoral and unnecessary and simply demanded that all of Germany's immigrants act like Germans. Now Mercules is demanding that all of Europe act like Germans. Why squeeze the trigger when you can just pull the purse strings?

There must be something in Japan's sushi. In a nation where more people are in retirement than school and the military are mostly tour guides and chaperones to the Americans who actually protect and guard them you don't go around arguing with a country ten times your size who you treated like a rented whore in recent memory.

You want to fight for those islands? Against a regime that has more soldiers than it knows what to do with and hates your guts? You know what China needs? An enemy. A foreign enemy. They can't hate the United States. At least not while they are becoming the United States. China has money now and when countries get money they need a war to finance. Just look at us.

And Japan doesn't stop with their island grab on China. The Rising Sun has been claiming islands that belong to South Korea and Russia as well. Japan has readopted their former militarist dictator Tojo's axiom: If it is surrounded by water it is Japan's.

Wonder if that still goes for the Philippines, Australia and Hawaii? 

Since Obama has declared that the only cop on the world beat has retired we'll see how long liberals and Tea Party isolationists can keep us (U.S.) out of the fun.

Don Arrup
Satire1 

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Don't Look Down


Dear Greg,

What a lovely picture of you and your daughter by the Missouri River. She's what? Six years old now? I shared it with a number of my friends in the medical field due to something I couldn't help but notice in her barefoot pose.

I'm afraid it is obvious from the photograph that your daughter has girl feet. I'm sorry to be the one to pass this news to you but it falls on us poets and Taoists. There is no cure. She faces a life of well, let's be honest, shoes. I checked and there are a number of specialty shops in your state focused on accommodating this affliction. It doesn't necessarily mean a life of isolation and shame. With the new openness and tolerance and Oprah Winfrey (a fellow sufferer) she can find girls who share her challenge and share information (there are even magazines and catalogs), The Girl Scouts has recently lifted their ban on girls with girl feet and women's colleges across the land have opened their enrollment to them. 

Don't waste your time or hope on a cure. I know what you are thinking. We can put man on the Moon. Why does my daughter have to walk around on those for the rest of her life? Why hasn't some plastic surgeon or genius podiatrist devised a way to at least cosmetically if not foundation-ally correct this defect of nature and provide the big, bony, hairy dogs we healthy normal folk tread on?

The technology just isn't there yet. And God isn't big on the idea. 

I attended my younger brother Jim's daughter Chrissy's high school graduation party in Baltimore this last weekend. The weather was glorious and a lot of my family made it. We also had two boys we grew up with and haven't seen in decades show up. I have no idea how my niece located them. My brother John's daughter Kelly also graduated Saturday in North Carolina. I'll give them a call.

Both of my nieces have girl feet and have been living full and productive lives. They have friends and boyfriends and are accepted- even in sandals- into the homes of their friends and neighbors. I want you to know that I love both my nieces and their lower appendages have never in any way diluted or "qualified" my affection for them.

Maybe one day, we can pray, there will be a cure for girl feet but until that day I truly believe that there is enough love and charity in our species to walk with girl and normal feet together on this road of life.

Your ole bald buddy,

Don Arrup
Satire1 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Ejacudads And Wombmas


As we pass from Mother's Day month to Father's Day June, we take time to consider the lousy to even criminally culpable parents whose celebration we withhold.

Ejacudads- Biological fathers whose sole contribution to their offspring's life was a semen deposit. Can be a paid or unpaid sperm donor, one night stand, lying scumbag, deadbeat dad, tragically or stupidly deceased before birth dad, aluminum siding salesman, condom recycler or bad date that never ends.

Wombma- Mother who carries and births child and pays it the barest minimum of attention afterwards. Can be surrogate mother, hired womb, platinum egg donor extra, Joan Crawford, welfare mom, fake "aunty" or big sister with inexplicable stretch marks. It could be your mother or it could be you. 

Don Arrup
Satire1

Monday, May 26, 2014

In Memorium

Satire1 again suspends its wit this post in honor of those individuals and their families whose sacrifice makes this blog and others like it possible.

Don Arrup
Satire1