As the Middle East continues to be ravaged by the virus ISIS and the disease crosses borders and decapitates villages and cities leaving the populace ungoverned and unprotected, a new front on the war on terror opened in West Africa where the Jihadist Sunni Muslim Terrorist army Ebola broke containment in remote villages and moved into cities and everywhere commercial air travel goes.
"There have already been attacks in Texas and Ohio. So far the casualties have been minimal but this is just the initial wave. Soon every plane landing in the United States will be carrying an Ebola fighter."
Ebola formed in the chaos of civil and holy war in Liberia and Guinea and even disturbed good neighbor Sierra Leone, half sister of dessert manufacturer Sara Lee.
"Ebola was originally a fraternity of young Sunni Muslim men interested in murdering Shia and any other Muslims who don't think like them," Ms. Leone said. "Like most young men they like raping, pillaging and killing infidels. They've become quite popular in this part of the world."
"I think they're all jacked up on sugar," said Sara Lee in her office in Downers Grove, IL. "Giving young men guns but no ass is always a recipe for trouble and I should know, I'm Sara Lee."
President Obama threatened Ebola and any country that lends them aid to talk mean to them and even make scary faces. Republicans in Congress led by John McCain said that the administration was going too far and could make terrorists around the world feel insecure and unappreciated by the American people.
"I just want the world to know that not everyone in our country feels so unneighborly toward Ebola and the other Muslim terror organizations," Senator McCain said on the floor of the International House of Pancakes on Pulaski Highway in Dundalk, Md. "Though I don't appreciate Ebola's fighters attacking our health care workers I will defend their right to their own opinions and hatreds."
"Senator McCain is being too white about this." said President Obama in response. "We haven't bombed Africa for months and as far as boots on the ground I have ordered the Air Force to drop combat boots along with bombs to end that controversy."
Senator McCain responded. "Africa is a continent of sandals and lighter footwear. The sudden introduction of heavy boots will traumatize civilians as well as terrorists. Our response not only violates international law but international fashion which rightly recognizes the legitimacy of fashion's seasons and regions."
Texas Tea Party Senator Cruz suggested we drop cowboy boots which are less threatening, more specifically American and more fashionable. President Obama invited Senator Cruz to ask Congress for the funds.
"We don't have the thousands of pairs of cowboy boots the Pentagon and Fashion Institute of Technology agree will be needed to have an sufficient impact," Obama said. "And it will take time. Al Jazeera's prime time Fall Line up ratings could be in the toilet by then and the cornerstone of relations between ourselves and Israel is keeping up Al Jazeera's ratings."
The Republican Senators and the President were in full agreement about how to handle the ISIS virus crisis as it threatens the country's and world's health. "ISIS is a health issue and therefore in the realm of medicine and biology and not politics," McCain said.
Obama agreed. "Let the Surgeon General and Center for Disease Control and Prevention screw this one up and then we can point fingers- if any of us survive."