"I thought water boarding was just the summer equivalent of snow boarding."
"Months of sleep deprivation interspersed with random outbursts of blaring screams and lights that never turn off. Hell, throw in no nookie and you'd have my first year of raising each of our six kids."
"Isn't Guantanamo on the Carnival Cruise Lines?"
"Being coerced into sitting through the State of the Union address ought to be illegal."