Ejacudads And Wombmas

As we pass from Mother's Day month to Father's Day June, we take time to consider the lousy to even criminally culpable parents whose celebration we withhold.

Ejacudads- Biological fathers whose sole contribution to their offspring's life was a semen deposit. Can be a paid or unpaid sperm donor, one night stand, lying scumbag, deadbeat dad, tragically or stupidly deceased before birth dad, aluminum siding salesman, condom recycler or bad date that never ends.

Wombma- Mother who carries and births child and pays it the barest minimum of attention afterwards. Can be surrogate mother, hired womb, platinum egg donor extra, Joan Crawford, welfare mom, fake "aunty" or big sister with inexplicable stretch marks. It could be your mother or it could be you. 

Don Arrup

Satire1

In Memorium

Satire1 again suspends its wit this post in honor of those individuals and their families whose sacrifice makes this blog and others like it possible.

Don Arrup
Satire1

Putin Dolls Up

Russian armed forces are amassing along their border with Poland on reports that Russian Matryoshka or "Nesting" dolls are being violated by the thousands. Videos on social media show the famous wooden interlocking eggs being opened with each layer penetrated or mock defecated by pimpled Polish "Pony Cossacks" to a rube tinny background tune.

Though most of the dolls are of the original "Little Matron" design (peasant girl holding a chicken down to a baby) going back to 1890, many of the violated painted eggs depict the political leaders of Russia and the U.S.S.R. with the solid little center being Karl Marx. Since the outermost doll is President Putin he has taken personal offense to the rapes. 

"The entire world equates the Matryoshka dolls with the Russian people and especially Russian daughters," said Putin. "The Russian people will spare no effort in the protection of our daughters dignity and reputation."

Since Poland is a member of NATO (No Apples Thanks Ollie) an invasion by Russia into Polish territory would constitute an act of war on the United States. If diplomacy again fails this could force President Obama to use the "bad words" he threatened Iran with if they unveiled the nuclear weapons they've been pumping out for the last two years.

Senior diplomatic officials warn that some bad words can not be taken back easily. Many heads of state were born out of wedlock or to parents of questionable professions so the name calling meant to cause temporary social terror could result in an "outing." Adolf Hitler was perfectly happy with Czechoslovakia until a Polish legislator referred to his Jewish grandmother and started World War II.

The Polish Government claims to have no jurisdiction over the Pony Cossacks and that they are within their rights in violating the little wooden dolls either as pornography or political statement. President Obama was quick to warn the American people that the outermost doll be it Putin or Little Matron, despite the smooth shape and lacquering could prove to be a poor enema. 

Don Arrup

Satire1