Benedict Arnold's Dad Tweets For His Return

After his grave was disturbed in Connecticut by the ruckus raised over the trade of Sergeant Bergdahl for five Taliban leaders last May, the ghost of Benedict Arnold's father has closely haunted the debate in Congress and in the press. Feeling that the Obama Administration's bring 'em home no matter what policy has opened the door to his son returning to the colony of his birth to finally rest for eternity, "Big Ben" Arnold has begun a poltergeist campaign in the cell phones of members of Congress on both sides of the aisle.

Some of the tweets Congressmen and women are claiming are not of their tweeting include:

"We should have gotten Bill Belicheck of the New England Patriots to make the trade. He always gets the best deal."

"I say we should have given them back all the prisoners. That Guantanamo has become a muslim Club Med."

"We should give West Point back to the British. Come December, maybe they can beat Navy."

"Red coats, red states, blue coats, blue states, patriots, loyalists. In his day it's like Arnold just switched parties."

"You can't relate the American Revolution to other wars or even other revolutions. It was more like Syria and what's going on in Iraq. "

"The American Revolution really always was about Afghanistan."

"If Benedict Arnold were alive today he's have a talk show."

Don Arrup

Satire1

Some Wars Never End

As Russia reasserts control over its southern neighbors Germany and Japan have been quietly amassing power over their continents under the guise of investment and economic integration. 

German Chancellor  Merkle has literally imposed a New Order on the European Union now that France's fiscal pants are down. With England using the channel and its own currency to protect its sovereignty from the German bizkreig, smaller European countries have been abandoned and are slowly strangling in Deutschland's octopus grip.

Known now as Mercules or "The Fuhrera" Merkel follows the American Marshall Plan of conquest providing "aid" to its struggling EU partners in the form of addictive cheap credit until the spineless governments put their spoiled citizenry's future in German pockets.

You need the strongest army in the world if you want to hang the Black, Red and Gold or Swastika all over Europe and the world but America gets in everywhere with the Golden Arches and Coke's swirly band and all the armies in the world can't get rid of them.

Merk the Herc dismissed genocide as immoral and unnecessary and simply demanded that all of Germany's immigrants act like Germans. Now Mercules is demanding that all of Europe act like Germans. Why squeeze the trigger when you can just pull the purse strings?

There must be something in Japan's sushi. In a nation where more people are in retirement than school and the military are mostly tour guides and chaperones to the Americans who actually protect and guard them you don't go around arguing with a country ten times your size who you treated like a rented whore in recent memory.

You want to fight for those islands? Against a regime that has more soldiers than it knows what to do with and hates your guts? You know what China needs? An enemy. A foreign enemy. They can't hate the United States. At least not while they are becoming the United States. China has money now and when countries get money they need a war to finance. Just look at us.

And Japan doesn't stop with their island grab on China. The Rising Sun has been claiming islands that belong to South Korea and Russia as well. Japan has readopted their former militarist dictator Tojo's axiom: If it is surrounded by water it is Japan's.

Wonder if that still goes for the Philippines, Australia and Hawaii? 

Since Obama has declared that the only cop on the world beat has retired we'll see how long liberals and Tea Party isolationists can keep us (U.S.) out of the fun.

Don Arrup

Satire1 

ISIS Invades Seattle

The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (or Levant to the true beards) has marched its forces through the Middle East, Asia and over Alaska and Canada with unusual speed as the armies of recognized nations crumble to its brutal revolutionary fervor. 

President Obama has pledged to commit the full force and weight of his Administration's Public Relations arm to assure ISIS's traveling genocide show will be portrayed in the least favorable light while our press is still free.

Beheading prisoners and slaughtering civilians at a rate faster than Monsanto, ISIS's campaign to conquer all its perceived enemies across the globe is proving the most horrendous holocaust since the Third Reich's "final solution." So far, ISIS doesn't seem to be targeting any particular group but murders every non Sunni Muslim in its path. As one of the ISIS general's explains:

"Jihad means kill everybody and then get yourself killed. Last man standing is the Caliph- if he is Sunni. "

The Pentagon has sworn off confronting ISIS in fulfillment of the President's pledge that there will be "no more boots on the ground" to deal with Iraqi terrorists. As the river of blood flows down from Juneau, Alaska and British Columbia into Washington State, vintners burn their grapes rather than have them fall into the hands of the Jihadis who will use them for juice. McDonald's franchises have pulled down their arches and shipped them south to deny the conquering army gold.

Don Arrup

Satire1 

Don't Look Down

Dear Greg,

What a lovely picture of you and your daughter by the Missouri River. She's what? Six years old now? I shared it with a number of my friends in the medical field due to something I couldn't help but notice in her barefoot pose.

I'm afraid it is obvious from the photograph that your daughter has girl feet. I'm sorry to be the one to pass this news to you but it falls on us poets and Taoists. There is no cure. She faces a life of well, let's be honest, shoes. I checked and there are a number of specialty shops in your state focused on accommodating this affliction. It doesn't necessarily mean a life of isolation and shame. With the new openness and tolerance and Oprah Winfrey (a fellow sufferer) she can find girls who share her challenge and share information (there are even magazines and catalogs), The Girl Scouts has recently lifted their ban on girls with girl feet and women's colleges across the land have opened their enrollment to them. 

Don't waste your time or hope on a cure. I know what you are thinking. We can put man on the Moon. Why does my daughter have to walk around on those for the rest of her life? Why hasn't some plastic surgeon or genius podiatrist devised a way to at least cosmetically if not foundation-ally correct this defect of nature and provide the big, bony, hairy dogs we healthy normal folk tread on?

The technology just isn't there yet. And God isn't big on the idea. 

I attended my younger brother Jim's daughter Chrissy's high school graduation party in Baltimore this last weekend. The weather was glorious and a lot of my family made it. We also had two boys we grew up with and haven't seen in decades show up. I have no idea how my niece located them. My brother John's daughter Kelly also graduated Saturday in North Carolina. I'll give them a call.

Both of my nieces have girl feet and have been living full and productive lives. They have friends and boyfriends and are accepted- even in sandals- into the homes of their friends and neighbors. I want you to know that I love both my nieces and their lower appendages have never in any way diluted or "qualified" my affection for them.

Maybe one day, we can pray, there will be a cure for girl feet but until that day I truly believe that there is enough love and charity in our species to walk with girl and normal feet together on this road of life.

Your ole bald buddy,

Don Arrup

Satire1