Racist Madcow
Senator Caramel Harry, who dresses worse? Colonel Bernie or Donald Trump? You have two minutes to answer.
Sen. Harry
White men have no style. They all look like Gomer Pyle after he was kicked out of the Marines.
Madcow
Mayor Buddhajugs, same question but between Senator War-on and Hillary Clinton.
Buddhajugs
No one can dress worse than Hillary Clinton and she’s not in this race.
Madcow
You wish. Senator Colonel Sanders, Nancy Pelosi or the Aloha lay on your left- who looks like crap?
Sanders
Congresswoman Scabbard isn’t to the left of anyone on this stage. Maybe to the left of Adolf Hitler and Donald Chump. And Nancy Pelosi isn’t in this race.
Senator Globutcher
No, she’s busy beating off Donald Trump everyday.
Madcow
Doesn’t leave much for the First Lady to do.
Globutcher
And may I say it is about time we started having a substantive debate about real women’s issues like who dresses better and who needs to gain weight.
Senator War-on
Not me. Not me.
Globutcher
No, precisely you. American women already have to put up with wafer thin models, actresses and cancer patients. Now you want them to have to look at another skinny woman when the news is on. You’re a disgrace to women’s appetites and farmers.
Joe Biter
I offered Lizzy half my hotdog in Iowa.
Madcow
You will be given an opportunity to respond during the commercial, Viceroy.
Yang Guy
How come you never ask me any questions?
Madcow
Because I know your answer.
Yang
Fine, but maybe some of the voters in the audience haven’t heard me yet.
Madcow
I’m sorry, what did you say?
Globutcher
Ask him a question, Racist. He looks like somebody pissed in his pencil case.
Madcow
Okay, Yin Yang Bang, how can you give every American citizen a thousand dollars a month and not explode the national debt?
Yang
Easy, I’m going to tax every American citizen one hundred and ten percent of their income. That will wipe out the nation’s debt in my first term.
Sanders
He stole my tax plan!
War-on
Only after I did.
Madcow
Order, order. One more outburst of agreement among the candidates on anything except trashing Trump and I’ll end this debate.
Biter
This is a date?
Senator Cory Boo
Moderator Madcow, how come you haven’t asked me how I turned the urban swamp of Newark, New Jersey into the world’s only true Disney City complete with a Sesame Street in every neighborhood and the highways paved in linoleum?
Madcow
Because it never happened.
Boo
Let’s say, for the sake of debate, that it did.
Madcow
Off with his head!
Boo
This is Atlanta, not Wonderland.
Tom Sty
I have a Constitutional question.
Biter
Then ask me. I helped write the Constitution with Tommy Jeff and his son and got my adopted state of Delaware to be the first to adopt it.
Madcow
Excuse me, string bean, who are you and what are you doing on the debate stage?
Tom Sty
I’m Tommy Sty and I bought my way on.
Globutcher
He went from big donor to big boner.
Madcow
I thought you were a single issue asshole. Wasn’t it climate change last week?
Tom Sty
I change with the weather.
Don Arrup
Satire1