Celebrity avian Big Bird was found dead and plucked on the corner Sesame and Broadway. Police immediately suspected rival mob Muppet Oscar the Grouch whose garbage can gang suffered the recent loss of his enforcer Slimy the Worm.
As NYPD detectives rifled through the field of suspects from Gotham’s underground and preschool worlds, Mayor De Blasio vainly attempted to calm New Yorkers bracing for more Children’s Television Workshop warfare. Kermit the Frog, green with envy at the size and reach of Big Bird’s territory was dragged in for questioning along with his volatile moll Piggy.
Bert and Ernie were cornered in Hooper’s Store and shot it out with uniformed police while plainclothesmen nabbed Abby Cadabby and Cookie Monster and cuffed them before they could resist. Elmo surrendered himself to the 20th Precinct after hearing he was summoned. His lawyer said the red monster was not tickled by the prospect of being held on bail.
Witnesses fingered Mr Snuffleupagus as the last creature seen with Big Bird at his nest on the side of 123 Sesame but have yet to charge the earless, elephant what is it with murder or accessory.
Breaking news:
Trash can king Oscar’s girlfriend, Grundgetta, broke under interrogation claiming Oscar croaked BB after our giant yellow feathered friend ate Slimy.
*Caroll Spinney played both Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch on Sesame Street from its beginning in 1969 to 2018. From the child in all of us- we’ll miss you.
Don Arrup
Satire1
