Mrs. Jack Ripper
“I don’t care what he does on his nights out. He doesn’t touch a knife in my flat. He has to butter his bread with a spoon, he does. He just loves cutting meat- flesh so much. He’s never bit me. Even in the… I know that’s what you were asking yourselves. He only kills tarts. I don’t know what all the fuss is about.”
Frankenstein Monster
“I asked the doctor to look around for a bigger pecker for me. Nothing violent. Peek around the morgue some. The stiffs aren’t using them. Hope to find some older hung guy who had a get a nut induced heart attack. Most of the stiffs are stiff everywhere but. It’d really help me with the bride. You have no idea how much bone it takes to keep that shock fro going. “
Queen Kong
“Of course I was jealous of the white girl but only at first. I mean, what could King possibly do with her? All the little bitch could do is scream for Christ’s sake. She was a toy and those little white men were going to kidnap King anyway. I’m just glad they didn’t come after me. Hope to never see those white devils on Skull Island again.”
Countess Dracula
“Of course he needs- we need- new contributors but I tell him the poor, ugly girls taste just as good. These refined debutantes he goes after always have some fiancé or Van Helsing wannabe to hassle us. Bat Drac wants me to round up young men for us. I told him they drink cheap hooch and have butt crack breath. Seduce them and all their blood’s in their pants. I’m not sucking down there.”
Suck down there to have a Happy Valentine’s Day
Don Arrup
Satire1
