Obama addressed the Congressional audience.
“My butt hurts. This legislation has been given me an insufferable pain in my butt. The American people want to know what you are going to do about it?”
Sen. Mack
I have a doughnut but it’s going to cost you.
Rep. Henny
This recession has been a pain in everyone’s butt. If we don’t provide affordable doughnuts to all the American people more citizens will be forced to go to emergency rooms to get their doughnut time.
Rep. Poohba
That will raise the price of everyone’s doughnut. We must be honest with the American people.
Sen. Jacktaw
No, if the market forces you so religiously believe in work at all it should drive down the cost of doughnuts. The market will be more efficient with more butts for more doughnuts.
Sen. Snowball
You need a nurse to assist you in getting a properly fitting doughnut then a therapist to make sure its not cutting off your circulation. There’s a nursing shortage that is exploding in our faces and we still won’t pay experienced nurses to teach nursing students.
Obama
I’ve been sitting on a soaked phonebook taped in a garbage bag. It works pretty well but it’s not a permanent solution. Besides, I already promised the doughnut makers that we wouldn’t press them for a deal for Medicaid or Medicare.
Rep. Haley
Now my butt hurts.
Rep. Twiddle
Are you sure your butt hurts, Mr. President? Have you had your butt cat scanned? It might be a psychological problem. I vote for more tests.
Sen. Twig
Now we all know that God put us on this Earth to make doctors and lawyers millionaires but God was wrong. Only doctors should be millionaires. We must do something about Tort Reform.
Obama
I advise everyone here who was never been a lawyer to vote for Tort Reform.
Rep. Blight
Economists of every stripe agree that the needs of the American people can only be met by a combination of higher taxes and reduced doughnuts. We all know the answer to this problem.
Sen. Cane
Why is it every time we’re fighting two wars, in a near depression, the state governments default and a generational tsunami is about to crash on us you want to raise taxes?
Rep. Blob
Why should we give up anything? Or leave anything in the peoples pockets for the insurance companies and banks to pick?
Obama
Let me see that doughnut.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Mad Hatter
Tea Party!
March Hare couldn’t wait through the snow. Got to go. Got to go.
Bailout. Foreclosure. Reform. Deficit. Iraq. Afghanistan.
The Lie that is too big to fail.
Bring gold to the Tea Party. Bring guns and rage. Washington is too far away. Further than London was when our pappies broke away. Richmond couldn’t divorce Washington. It was just a stone’s throw away.
Away.
I don’t disagree with the Tea Party. Rich guys run everything. There is no secret agenda. They want to be richer. Borders are only maintained by race, religion and hate (or indifference in the case of Canada). The entire planet and our Moon will be one McDonald’s franchise before the decade is through. I don’t disagree with the outlook of the Tea Party. I just don’t understand why they didn’t figure it out when they were thirteen.
Every American should read the Constitution if only to see it is not the Bible, Wall Street Journal or New York Times. The Declaration of Independence does not apply. It was a letter of resignation to an insane monarch. All men are created equal but we’re keeping slavery. Women forget it. And there’s nothing about guns in it.
No taxation without masturbation. Sarah Palin reads her hand. The millionaire she ran with didn’t win. It was the whitest guy in the Millionaires Club versus the blackest guy. History was made. A millionaire became President.
I wish Sarah Palin wrote on her thigh. Now that would be some reading.
Don Arrup
Satire1
March Hare couldn’t wait through the snow. Got to go. Got to go.
Bailout. Foreclosure. Reform. Deficit. Iraq. Afghanistan.
The Lie that is too big to fail.
Bring gold to the Tea Party. Bring guns and rage. Washington is too far away. Further than London was when our pappies broke away. Richmond couldn’t divorce Washington. It was just a stone’s throw away.
Away.
I don’t disagree with the Tea Party. Rich guys run everything. There is no secret agenda. They want to be richer. Borders are only maintained by race, religion and hate (or indifference in the case of Canada). The entire planet and our Moon will be one McDonald’s franchise before the decade is through. I don’t disagree with the outlook of the Tea Party. I just don’t understand why they didn’t figure it out when they were thirteen.
Every American should read the Constitution if only to see it is not the Bible, Wall Street Journal or New York Times. The Declaration of Independence does not apply. It was a letter of resignation to an insane monarch. All men are created equal but we’re keeping slavery. Women forget it. And there’s nothing about guns in it.
No taxation without masturbation. Sarah Palin reads her hand. The millionaire she ran with didn’t win. It was the whitest guy in the Millionaires Club versus the blackest guy. History was made. A millionaire became President.
I wish Sarah Palin wrote on her thigh. Now that would be some reading.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saint Valentine's Day Massacred
Righteous Valentine, patron saint of overpriced chocolates and extortion rate roses; of lonely eating ice cream and tear jerk movies; of the fear of forgetful husbands and despondent single women. Your birthday for many is “You’re alone and nobody loves you day.” Yet we celebrate you still.
For men Valentine’s Day is a shake down pure and simple. As children threaten havoc if not candied on Halloween, women stew an ocean of wrath and tears if they are not honored this cold holiday. Children, who adults rule most of the year, deserve the tables turned before all saints feast. Women, who men oppressed but never ruled, deserve sweets and pretties for being the inserted.
Lovers who can be together rejoice. Those who are alone choose to think themselves so. South of what used to be the border today is called Dia de Amor y la Amistad. Day of Love and Friendship.
It is also Chinese New Year. Go Tigers!
Don Arrup
Satire1
For men Valentine’s Day is a shake down pure and simple. As children threaten havoc if not candied on Halloween, women stew an ocean of wrath and tears if they are not honored this cold holiday. Children, who adults rule most of the year, deserve the tables turned before all saints feast. Women, who men oppressed but never ruled, deserve sweets and pretties for being the inserted.
Lovers who can be together rejoice. Those who are alone choose to think themselves so. South of what used to be the border today is called Dia de Amor y la Amistad. Day of Love and Friendship.
It is also Chinese New Year. Go Tigers!
Don Arrup
Satire1
Friday, February 5, 2010
The Roberts Court Reading
We the Corporations of the United States, in order to form a more perfect stranglehold, destroy Justice, insure domestic Subservience, provide for the common Enslavement, promote obscene Profit and secure the Blessing of unbridled Lobbying to ourselves and no one who actually works, do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America.
BILL OF WRONGS
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion unless it is Evangelical Christian, or prohibit the free exercise thereof including murder, child marriage and the denial of civil rights to queers; or abridging the freedom of speech if speech is understood to be money, or of the press if it is apart of a large syndicate, or the right of industries to menacingly amass and petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State is totally irrelevant to the Second Amendment which allows that anyone who is willing to surrender their vote against all reason to powers who could not give a crap about them can own, carry and threaten their neighbors with whatever weapon of individual or mass destruction they can get their hands on.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects from unreasonable searches and seizures is over and it ain’t coming back, baby.
Don Arrup
Satire1
*Satire1 celebrates its 100th post. Thank you, readers. Both of you.
BILL OF WRONGS
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion unless it is Evangelical Christian, or prohibit the free exercise thereof including murder, child marriage and the denial of civil rights to queers; or abridging the freedom of speech if speech is understood to be money, or of the press if it is apart of a large syndicate, or the right of industries to menacingly amass and petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State is totally irrelevant to the Second Amendment which allows that anyone who is willing to surrender their vote against all reason to powers who could not give a crap about them can own, carry and threaten their neighbors with whatever weapon of individual or mass destruction they can get their hands on.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects from unreasonable searches and seizures is over and it ain’t coming back, baby.
Don Arrup
Satire1
*Satire1 celebrates its 100th post. Thank you, readers. Both of you.
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