Sick Summit

Obama addressed the Congressional audience.

“My butt hurts. This legislation has been given me an insufferable pain in my butt. The American people want to know what you are going to do about it?”

Sen. Mack
I have a doughnut but it’s going to cost you.

Rep. Henny
This recession has been a pain in everyone’s butt. If we don’t provide affordable doughnuts to all the American people more citizens will be forced to go to emergency rooms to get their doughnut time.

Rep. Poohba
That will raise the price of everyone’s doughnut. We must be honest with the American people.

Sen. Jacktaw
No, if the market forces you so religiously believe in work at all it should drive down the cost of doughnuts. The market will be more efficient with more butts for more doughnuts.

Sen. Snowball
You need a nurse to assist you in getting a properly fitting doughnut then a therapist to make sure its not cutting off your circulation. There’s a nursing shortage that is exploding in our faces and we still won’t pay experienced nurses to teach nursing students.

Obama
I’ve been sitting on a soaked phonebook taped in a garbage bag. It works pretty well but it’s not a permanent solution. Besides, I already promised the doughnut makers that we wouldn’t press them for a deal for Medicaid or Medicare.

Rep. Haley
Now my butt hurts.

Rep. Twiddle
Are you sure your butt hurts, Mr. President? Have you had your butt cat scanned? It might be a psychological problem. I vote for more tests.

Sen. Twig
Now we all know that God put us on this Earth to make doctors and lawyers millionaires but God was wrong. Only doctors should be millionaires. We must do something about Tort Reform.

Obama
I advise everyone here who was never been a lawyer to vote for Tort Reform.

Rep. Blight
Economists of every stripe agree that the needs of the American people can only be met by a combination of higher taxes and reduced doughnuts. We all know the answer to this problem.

Sen. Cane
Why is it every time we’re fighting two wars, in a near depression, the state governments default and a generational tsunami is about to crash on us you want to raise taxes?

Rep. Blob
Why should we give up anything? Or leave anything in the peoples pockets for the insurance companies and banks to pick?

Obama
Let me see that doughnut.

Don Arrup
Satire1