After weeks of baffling statements, gaffs and unintended insults the experts at British Petroleum have finally managed to shut the mouth of the oil giant’s CEO Tony Hayward but the public relations disaster following the environmental disaster is likely to continue for decades to come.
The “very very modest” ecological impact Hayward predicted had to be based on his Fantasy Island estimates of the extent of the spill. And while midgets and dwarfs throughout the Gulf States appreciated being remembered by the executive the common folk of the region reacted sharply to his use of the term “little people.”
“I think he had the Gulf mixed up with Ireland and was referring to the Wee People or Leprechauns who often bury their pots of gold by the coasts,” said Mantrix Haben, one of the public relations execs credited with plugging Hayward’s hole. “And his statement about holding yacht races on the Gulf because the slick would make for a faster run was not well thought out.”
Vice President Joe Biden sympathized with Hayward. “No one quotes the brilliant things you say but one slip up can spread faster and stick longer than the oil slick in the Gulf.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Border States & Drug Cartels Overthrow Mexico
In a stunning military and diplomaniac reversal US Border States succeed from the Union to help overthrow the United States of Mexico. California, Texas and Arizona join with the Drug and Oil Cartels to form a new mobacracy on the Southern Border. Mexican President Felipe Calderon signed the unconditional surrender yesterday dissolving the Mexican Revolutionary government that has ruled almost democratically since the 1917 Revolution.
Fighting continues on US Army and Navel bases across the southwest with San Diego’s navel base still holding out when last reported. Twelve US Senators and eighty-four Congressmen were summarily executed for treason and a lousy Health Care Bill at dawn as federal agencies and the Pentagon scour their ranks for rebels.
Rush Limbaugh admits that the Gulf oil spill was probably not the sabotage of Green Activists but of Texas Rangers seeking to continue the chaos in the Gulf region as the country became used to New Orleans being a f-ing mess. “It’s possible it wasn’t four eggheads with goatees who caused the Gulf disaster after all,” said Rush. “It’s just that every time I visit four miles below the floor of the ocean there is always someone there wearing a t shirt.”
Israel and Monaco joined the US in declaring war on the newly formed Grande Tio States while England, China and the European Union deliberate on alternative sources of barbeque sauce.
The new government is said to be writing a constitution that guarantees all the freedoms taken from Americans in the last century. “You can smoke anything you want anywhere and shoot anyone who looks at you,” said Popeye Fifi, who as the only major gangster who is bilingual has taken on extraordinary powers in the new hideout. “All private property is protected by superior firepower and an equitable extortion rate will replace tyrannous taxation. Anyone who gets seriously ill will be put out of their misery at little cost to the hood and since almost no one will survive to old age there is no need for a social security system. “
“Our constitution will guarantee freedom from lawyers and insurance salesmen along with a complete dissolution of all regulations. It’s not let the buyer beware but the buyer is armed. All disputes will be handled in a hail of bullets and may the best thug survive.”
Hailed as a Libertarian paradise on the Wall Street Journal’s front page until Obama’s secret army smashed the presses and liquidated the editorial staff the Grande Tio States are already petitioning the International Olympic Committee for a Tucson Games. “We’re still debating whether to introduce nude volleyball or mud wrestling to the events.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Fighting continues on US Army and Navel bases across the southwest with San Diego’s navel base still holding out when last reported. Twelve US Senators and eighty-four Congressmen were summarily executed for treason and a lousy Health Care Bill at dawn as federal agencies and the Pentagon scour their ranks for rebels.
Rush Limbaugh admits that the Gulf oil spill was probably not the sabotage of Green Activists but of Texas Rangers seeking to continue the chaos in the Gulf region as the country became used to New Orleans being a f-ing mess. “It’s possible it wasn’t four eggheads with goatees who caused the Gulf disaster after all,” said Rush. “It’s just that every time I visit four miles below the floor of the ocean there is always someone there wearing a t shirt.”
Israel and Monaco joined the US in declaring war on the newly formed Grande Tio States while England, China and the European Union deliberate on alternative sources of barbeque sauce.
The new government is said to be writing a constitution that guarantees all the freedoms taken from Americans in the last century. “You can smoke anything you want anywhere and shoot anyone who looks at you,” said Popeye Fifi, who as the only major gangster who is bilingual has taken on extraordinary powers in the new hideout. “All private property is protected by superior firepower and an equitable extortion rate will replace tyrannous taxation. Anyone who gets seriously ill will be put out of their misery at little cost to the hood and since almost no one will survive to old age there is no need for a social security system. “
“Our constitution will guarantee freedom from lawyers and insurance salesmen along with a complete dissolution of all regulations. It’s not let the buyer beware but the buyer is armed. All disputes will be handled in a hail of bullets and may the best thug survive.”
Hailed as a Libertarian paradise on the Wall Street Journal’s front page until Obama’s secret army smashed the presses and liquidated the editorial staff the Grande Tio States are already petitioning the International Olympic Committee for a Tucson Games. “We’re still debating whether to introduce nude volleyball or mud wrestling to the events.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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