Congress interrupted its debate over raising the debt ceiling today to vote to deny the Moon the right to eclipse over North America both tonight and in the foreseeable future.
House Speaker Boehner
“We may have trashed the space program but we still own the Moon since President Richard Nixon colonized it on July 20th 1969. The American people spent billions of dollars to get those astronauts up there to civilize that rock and its only once a month when we can view the full benefit of our investment.”
House Minority Leader Pelosi
“I don’t think the Moon was as sound a purchase as Louisiana or Alaska but June is a romantic month and the height of the marriage season. Couples shouldn’t have to go off on a Honey Eclipse.”
Senate Majority Leader Reid
“Werewolves are citizens too and I don’t know what they are supposed to do if we didn’t act. Its time the Moon stopped trying to take a night off every time it slips outside our orbit of the Sun.”
Senate Minority Leader McConnell
“This wouldn’t even be an issue if we had a McDonald’s up there. I say we declare the Moon a tax free development zone and let the free market take care of the astronomy.”
President Obama
“I have signed the bill, it has become law, and I applaud Congress on their swift bi-partisan effort to close this solar-lunar loophole which has left our country in the dark so many times before. I invite all Americans under clear skies to enjoy their Moon in its full majesty and leave the crescents to Al Qaeda and the Taliban.”
“ Later this month I will propose a bill to Congress to extend summer indefinitely to help our country wean itself off heating oil and dependence on foreign powers, many of whom can’t even throw a respectable revolution.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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