Poor

In response to Republican Primary frontrunner Mitt Romney's statement that he doesn't care about the poor Satire1 spoke to the other candidates in this year's presidential election circus on their thoughts on the subject.

Mitt Romney

"First of all let me get the record straight as to what I said that caused so much controversy. The liberal media has misquoted me by snatching a sound bite and editing it to embarrass me and try and keep my nomination competitive. What I actually said was I don't give a shit about the poor because they don't vote, there is a safety net called prison to catch them and then they can never vote and I'll build enough prisons to make sure that there is a roof over every Americans head and a hot meal to nourish them."

Newt Gingrich

"I let my record as Speaker of the House speak for me concerning the plight of impoverished Americans. I have never and will never care about America's poor. That is why I ended welfare. As a candidate I called Obama the food stamps president and assured the American people that those down on their luck will starve when I become president. There will be plenty of positions open in our armed forces once I get us into war with Iran and the Moon for those who will grasp the opportunity and I know for a fact that at least some of the millions former governor Romney pays in extortion to the Mormon Church is going towards the poor. "

Rick Santorum

"I don't think it is the government's role to interfere with God's plan. Jesus said the least among us belonged to him and that they will inherit the earth after the rich have stripped it of every mineral and nutrient. The federal government's anti-poverty programs are anti-christian and inviting the undereducated masses to damnation through material comfort."

Congressman Ron Paul (the only one with a job)

"I don't know who Mitt Romney is talking about when he talks about the poor because that is just about everybody except for the handful of suits he belongs to who have been erecting this giant ponzi scheme and calling it an economy. If you're an American you are broke because the country is broke, the currency is worthless, dollar bills are just IOUs to the Chinese and if you think you own a house you better think again because that house owns you and hopefully it provides some privacy and protection from the elements because the only thing increasing faster than property taxes will be the interest rate on its mortgage and the decline in its value."

President Obama

"I'm tired of listening to my critics accuse me of caring for the poor and I challenge them to point to one thing I've done as president to ease their plight. Everything I've done since taking office has been to preserve the middle class and try and keep them from joining the poor. My expansion of the food stamps program is welfare but it is corporate welfare preserving the profits of General Mills and the American Meat Association. Just as my health care bill is designed to protect not the health of the American people but the health insurance industry. The extension of unemployment benefits rescued breweries and distilleries both local and national in danger of losing customers."

"Even back in my community organizing days I was caroling bodies to the voting booths to keep the same ham handed politicians who scream and holler for the conservative media while collecting their envelopes in office. I don't see how any reasonable citizen could mistake such shameless manipulation as caring."

"The American people are a generous and caring people as long as it doesn't cost us anything. In good times and bubbles we believe that anyone who works hard at school and isn't killed by drug gangs has a chance to make something of themselves. In hard times we believe that anyone who is poor is stupid and lazy and might as well join a drug gang."

Don Arrup

Satire1