Egypt To Host Next Winter Olympics

As temperatures on Egypt's coast plunge to below 50 degrees fahrenheit, the military council ruling the joke democracy has secured the next Winter Olympics in 2018 becoming the first Muslim country to host either Olympic Games. The Olympic Committee originally rejected Egypt's bid for the Winter Games and requested that the country petition for the Summer Games.

"No beach volleyball here."

But as Egypt proved to be colder than Sochi this February the committee reconsidered. 

Down Pyramid Skiing

"Our current emergency government seeks legitimacy and needs to suck the public pyramid while we can. We could have real elections any decade now. We already have the Arab Spring, the Bloody Summer and the Tyrant's Fall. We need something for winter. These games should bring back the tourists and everybody wears clothes."

As Russians contemplate their entire economic output for six years invested in what will be a ski resort for their robber barons come Monday, most of the sane nations withdrew their applications for the next Winter Games. 

"Greece bankrupted itself on their Summer Games and now Russia will be paying for Sochi for the next three generations. It's not that we aren't proud of our country and like to show it off but if we want to line the pockets of our giant contractors we just declare another unnecessary war. And isn't that what the Olympics is really all about? Our country can beat your country and our thieves are richer than yours."

Don Arrup

Satire1

Shirley Temple USA

Courageous curls baby face

Too cute to control or contain

Charmed heroes and queens

Foiled foes and the mean

Girls

Whom she served

Cinderella with dreams

A tap dance machine

In class ridden old London

Antebellum 

And the orphanage of the world 

Who will we turn to 

For childhood lost

Long after the Good Ship Lollipop

Has sailed?

Don Arrup

Satire1

Manning Blames Super Bowl Debacle On Absence Of Terrorism

Peyton Manning in an exclusive interview with Satire1 confessed that he was assured by the Federal Bureau of Investigation that Super Bowl 48 would never make it to the first snap due to a cataclysmic act of terrorism combining kamikaze jumbo jets, an exploding blimp like Black Sunday, Syrian chemical weapons, North Korean nuclear armed missiles, pressure cooker bombs and Death Star satellite lazars. After coming out of the prayer huddle to line up in order to go out in true gridiron fashion the future hall of fame quarterback grew impatient with the absence of disaster and missed the snap that resulted in a safety.

Intelligence analysts insisted that Islamic terrorism would punish New York for legalizing gay marriage and for the obviously gay uniforms of the Denver Broncos while leaving Putin's games alone after he came out against homosexuality and Pussy Riot. One explanation offered Monday was that the hetromaniac Seattle Seahawks who had just beaten the Gay Francisco 49ers would be allowed to dismantle fancy Manning and his orange crushers.

"I think the terrorists insulted America and football," said Peyton in the locker room. "There's been no lack of terror in the Putin Winter Olympics and those games are still a week away. They could have at least leveled Hoboken or Times Square instead of leaving us to the mercy of the Seattle defense."

Don Arrup

Satire1