Peyton Manning in an exclusive interview with Satire1 confessed that he was assured by the Federal Bureau of Investigation that Super Bowl 48 would never make it to the first snap due to a cataclysmic act of terrorism combining kamikaze jumbo jets, an exploding blimp like Black Sunday, Syrian chemical weapons, North Korean nuclear armed missiles, pressure cooker bombs and Death Star satellite lazars. After coming out of the prayer huddle to line up in order to go out in true gridiron fashion the future hall of fame quarterback grew impatient with the absence of disaster and missed the snap that resulted in a safety.
Intelligence analysts insisted that Islamic terrorism would punish New York for legalizing gay marriage and for the obviously gay uniforms of the Denver Broncos while leaving Putin's games alone after he came out against homosexuality and Pussy Riot. One explanation offered Monday was that the hetromaniac Seattle Seahawks who had just beaten the Gay Francisco 49ers would be allowed to dismantle fancy Manning and his orange crushers.
"I think the terrorists insulted America and football," said Peyton in the locker room. "There's been no lack of terror in the Putin Winter Olympics and those games are still a week away. They could have at least leveled Hoboken or Times Square instead of leaving us to the mercy of the Seattle defense."
Don Arrup
Satire1
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