Thursday, October 30, 2014

Halloween 14 Headlines


Castle Frankenstein Quarantined 
Dr. Victor Frankenstein, his creature and Igor have agreed to voluntarily quarantine themselves in the castle after Lawrence Talbot, the local lycanthrope, returned to human form and was found to have a fever and shape changing pattern similar to Ebola. Talbot was visiting the castle to finish an altercation with the creature in which he had torn the bolts out of the creature's neck before being thrown off of a tower. 911 was immediately called by someone's fiancee in a negligee. The hospital accepted Mr. Talbot's Silver Grade ObamaCare. 

ISIS Zombies Battle Al Qaeda Vampires
Terrorist State ISIS or Pissheads in Iraq and Levant penetrated the Turkish border only to find Osama Ben Laden and other Al Qaeda leaders thought dead operating an undead blood collection camp just south of the Turkish Kurd region. Since the drinking of blood is prohibited by the Quran there is expected to be conflict. Vampires generally abhor sucking on zombies and much prefer young women with large eyes and breasts. ISIS will have to follow up their beheadings with impaling their victim's hearts and burning their bodies. Should make for great YouTube!

Where There Is No One To Hear You Scream
Bloodsucking undead financial institutions and hedge funds buy up foreclosed homes and whatever other scraps were left by the ravenous loan sharks and subprime lenders in the American heartland. Longtime residents find themselves in ghost towns ruled by corporate phantoms and patrolled by lawyers and accountants.

Night Of The Tuition Hike
Community Colleges get in on the big green higher education machine leaving recently graduated dental hygienists and teaching assistants with six figure debt.

Rage Of The Regulator
Business startups fall prey to "recent reforms" and health insurance obligations that would have strangled robber barons and Henry Ford.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Don Arrup
Satire1

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