Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Grinch Guide To Holiday Cards


Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah and Kwanza. Whatever gets you Muslims and Buddhists through the winter- go for it. I want everyone to enjoy the end of the year but if you are contemplating sending me any greetings in the snail mail or e understand that:

-- I love snow and find even cartoon representations of it tolerable. 

-- I hate snowmen. They're just a couple of big snowballs piled up with a Smiley face done in dried fruit. They're stupid, useless and they melt. If there is a snowman on the card white it out. No questions asked.

-- All religious themes are acceptable but fit young women in bikinis preferred.

-- Archaic toys (tin soldiers, hobby horses, etc.) were never part of my childhood except on ugly holiday cards. The blood bath ends here.

-- Guess where you can stick your candy canes.

-- Never ridden in a sleigh. Never want to.

-- Angels acceptable but still prefer fit young women in bikinis.

-- I hate your kids. I really hate your dog and I can barely stand you. No family pictures. Give me a chance to forget.

Holiday Greetings- pending

Don Arrup
Satire1

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