Net And Yahoo

Satire1 secured an exclusive interview with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu just after his landslide election victory.

S1

So, Prime Minister, are you standing by your claim that there will be no Palestinian state on your watch, reversing a reversal on the issue you made in a speech in 2009?

BN

I haven't changed my policy. What has changed is the reality.

S1

Like yesterday you needed the votes of the far right and today you don't?

BN

Precisely. I want a sustainable, peaceful two state solution where all the Palestinians convert to Judaism.

S1

Well, let's hold our breath. Yesterday you posted a video warning that foreign funding was bussing Arab Israeli voters to the polls in droves. Did you forget to post the video warning your fellow countrymen of the billions of dollars from both private and public sources in the United States that was bussing Jewish Israeli voters to the polls?

BN

Yes, in my haste to save the Holy Land I must have forgotten that. 

S1

Who were you afraid the Arab citizens would vote for? United Arab List-Ta'al or Balad?

BN

I was afraid they would vote for Obama.

Don Arrup

Satire1

Irish ISIS Burns Down Europe

Thomas McFerley, the reincarnation of Saint Patrick under 5'10", has razed the British Isles and burned down half of Belgium and France on his way to take on "the capitalist hun" Merkel of Germany. Leading a rag tag population of at least two million, McFerley's Irish Socialist International Squatters have vowed to leave "no bank behind" in their wake of debt and destruction.

Borrowing without collateral from every lender and woman with a purse across Western Europe, the anti-capitalist crusade is leaving tabs at every pub, tavern, restaurant and brothel claiming each "citizen" of the Irish Spring is an autonomous state in the universal confederation of moochers.

"The illegitimate governments we've had up to today printed their own money. But we of the fantastic, free and unencumbered Irish Socialist International Squatters write our own IOUs which are not only more personal but can be cashed in for truly sincere apologies and heartfelt regrets," McFerley said.

"The financial systems as they were were totally rigged toward the rich. Only people with money could spend it which left most of us out in the cold. IOUs are so much more democratic and available to every literate citizen. We understand that this is a radical change from credit cards and cash and some businesses are not equipped to handle them so we've issued death warrants for noncompliance to sort of nudge things along."

Deadbeats and chronic debtors from every corner of Europe have swarmed to join the army of beggars who claim to be establishing Europe as an Anarchist Anarchate on the principles expounded by Alfred E. Neuman, editor in chief at Mad Magazine.

When approached by reporters at Mad's office at 1700 Broadway and asked if he feared his ideas would bring more destruction to Europe than the two world wars Neuman replied: 

"What, me worry?"

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

Don Arrup

Satire1

Nimoy To Address Congress From Grave

The spirit of Leonard Nimoy has been invited by House Speaker Boehner to address a joint session of Congress on the threat to the United Federation of Planets future posed by the Klingons and Romulans. Siting former President Reagan's push to prepare for future millennial conflicts, Boehner directed the House Way Outs and What Means Committee to subpoena Madam Bandana to conjure the spirit of the actor who played Science and First Officer Spock on the original Star Trek series.

Speaker Boehner believed that Nimoy, even though dead, would be the perfect prognosticator  for the long view of the future of the United States at this time since he was both Jewish and Ukrainian. 

Satire1 interviewed Senators and Congresspersons all who demanded anonymity:

"We can't do anything about Iran, North Korea, China or Russia. We have the biggest military in history and we can't do anything with it here. Let's kick Mars' ass."

"We can't wait for Obama to take the lead on these aliens. He won't close the border of our country and he's been leaving our sky as open as an Ivy League Coed's legs."

"I know the Klingons and Feds will eventually get along after we whip their butt."

"I'm glad that since the Speaker has decided to have open mike night here in Congress that we get some real crowd pleasers in here."

"My son got into that Vulcan vogue before college. I didn't mind the tattoos and drugs. I'm just glad he didn't get his ears elongated."

"Hey, this is the Capitol. We don't do logical here."

*The Leonard Nimoy Thalia Theatre shares the same street as the Mad Playwright.

Don Arrup

Satire1