Tom Brady's voice might change and affect his career in television commercials.
Jim McNally, locker room attendant, and John Jastremski, equipment assistant, for the New England Patriots underwent acupuncture castration this morning under the treatment of Fu Manchu LAc. in the basement of Arthur's Steaks 8th Avenue in NYC. Super Bowl Most Valuable Player and quarterback for the Patriots Tom Brady will be "fixed" this afternoon.
The procedure was described by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell as similar in effects to chemical castration used against rapists in Texas who elect the procedure rather than serve 20 year prison sentences. Mr. Brady and the two ball boys were offered no such choice and were alone found guilty of purposely deflating footballs during the Patriots 45 to 7 squeak past the Indianapolis Colts in the American League Conference Championships last season.
Dr. Fu Manchu, when not controlling world sex trafficking and opium trade, conducts acupuncture castration and herbal sex changes for celebrities and politicians across the globe. He explained: "Basically I'm doing to their balls what they did to the game balls in question. Sticking a pin in and letting out contents no pump will restore."
Commissioner Goodell believes Tom Brady chirping signals before the snap and sounding like Minnie Mouse at post game interviews will send a strong message to potential cheaters. "Hey, we've had no trouble scrambling brains for decades. What's the big deal with scrambling a few eggs?"
Don Arrup
Satire1
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