In the deepest jungles of Hungry, up the mysterious River Danube, down into the Black Forest, Donald Trump leads Middle Eastern refuges into the rectum of Europe. New York’s biggest billionaire developer, prime time television hit star and Presidential Primaries front runner hides in the world’s spotlight while running the global underground railroad providing escape routes for slaves the world over and sanctuary to war’s dispossessed.
Donald (Gaelic for “honest”) Not To Be Trump(ed) was born Donald Trump to two parents. Accusations of natural insemination leading to his creation still abound. He grew in height and weight due to eating and breathing. Went to school somewhere. Probably graduated. He both inherited and made money and got laid, married, laid, divorced, laid, married. Biologically contributed to the birth of offspring.
While rebuilding Wollman skating rink in Central Park in 1987, Donald was approached by three Wise Men who recruited him to spend his free weekends in the jungles of Thailand as a conductor in the SouthEast Asian underground railroad running prepubescent girls out of brothels to international adoption agencies set up in Singapore. Brandishing his organizational skills and fierce competitiveness, Donald soon was dubbed “Harry Tubman” in honor of legendary freedom smuggler Harriet Tubman of Maryland. Though his true identity wasn’t revealed until his recent appearance on Vietnam’s version of “What’s My Line” the price on the head of Harry T was valued at over 10 million dollars.
“Chump change,” Trump told his Vietnamese audience. “A week’s paycheck for me.”
As the recent discovery of cancer in the brain of former president and peanut farmer Jimmy Carter has led to a mass migration out of the Middle East into Europe, Harry Tub has been once again called in to save Midtown ice skating and the world.
“I’ve got three months to build a skating path from Syria to Berlin,” T Rump bellowed. “If anyone can jimmy solar panels to freeze nonexistent water it is DT!”
German Fuhrerin Angel Faced Merkel praised Donny boy and chastised Europeans for their xenophobia and Americans for their persecution of Bill Belichick. “I find it hard to believe that after all Europe has been through in the last century that Americans would punish Tom and Billy for letting air out of their balls.”
Financial Markets across the globe reacted to Trump’s advise to China to devalue sex along with their currency. “Tell your daughters to put out. I’m talking to you, Lee and you too, Wu. It’s all made in China anyway.”
Hilary Clinton admitted in an interview on the Public Television News Hour that if the elections were held today she would vote for Trump. “I could just never get my hair to do that. He’s not without his talents.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
