An impromptu interview occurred when reporters caught the presumptive Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump coming out of a screening of Batman vs Superman.
Reporter 1
Mr. Trump, who won?
Trump
I won. I always win.
Reporter 2
She meant Batman or Superman.
Trump
When Batman wins, America wins.
Reporter 3
Are you implying that Superman was vanquished because he was born on another planet?
Trump
Now I don’t want you all to make a big deal out of this. I just want you to make a big deal out of me.
Reporter 1
Straight up, Candidate Trump, would you kick Superman out because he was born on Krypton to Kryptonese parents?
Trump
I like Marlon Brando. And that was the best wig he ever wore. He was practically George Washington.
Reporter 3
You don’t think Superman flying around all over the city isn’t a message to teenagers to use drugs?
Trump
It’s the blue long johns with the red hot pants, okay. It’s gay. I don’t mean that in a derogatory manner. They’re just what they are. Gay. I won’t talk about the cape.
Reporter 2
So, you want Superman to leave the Untied States because he’s a gay superhero?
Trump
Look, I understand he was just a super baby in a blanket in a spaceship that got him here just before his planet exploded. I don’t blame Super Man for that. I’m glad he made it. I’m not putting Mexican babies in rockets even though senior officials at NASA and the Pentagon that I happen to know personally assure me we definitely have the ability to launch a hundred babies a day- up to a thousand babies a week- to anywhere in our hemisphere.
Reporter 3
So Superman can stay?
Trump
Anybody’s who’s here from a planet that exploded can stay.
Reporter 1
There has been suggestions that Batman has a complex relationship with Robin. Do you think that’s true? And if you do then how about Superman and Superboy?
Trump
Superboy was just Superman before he grew up and was still living on the farm in Kansas. Whether there was any interplanetary improprieties I don’t know. I’m sure Batman and Robin do whatever bats and robins do in nature even though it might be disgusting to most people.
Reporter 2
So who won? Batman or Superman, Candidate Trump?
Trump
Everyone knows that Gotham is New York and Batman is New York. Nobody beats New York. Batman has to fight the Riddler regulators, the Joker politicians and the Penguin bureaucrats that are trying to stop America from making money. Bruce Wayne is the one percent. I am the one percent. I am Batman and Superman is a red caped socialist in girly go go boots and Batman and I are going to bring him down.
Reporter 1
Mr. Trump, did you even see the movie?
Trump
I was in the lobby lobbying through the entire feature. I don’t have to see the movie. I know how everything goes down.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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