Tuesday, October 25, 2016

C Town Glory

For those of you who are not Major League Baseball or history buffs, a little primer to put tonight’s World Series opener between the two longest suffering franchises in professional sports in perspective. 

The Last Time The Cleveland Indians Won The World Series

--Native Americans (i.e. “Indians”) were the only people here to play baseball
--Umpires had just begun calling balls and strikes since language was just invented
--There were no home teams or home runs since the concepts of a settled domicile and private property had yet to be invented
--Fly outs and pop outs would today be considered indecent exposure
--A sacrifice bunt could not involve a minor or non consenting adult
--Hot dogs were free but you had to catch them

The Last Time The Chicago Cubs Won The World Series

--The ball had yet to be invented
--Both leagues were still integrated with Neanderthal and Cro-Magnon players
--The Detroit Tigers were actually Saber-toothed tigers 
--Games were not scheduled but spontaneous meetings of rival hunting parties who threw rocks at each other and swung their clubs to return thrown rocks  
--Hot dogs, yeah, but don’t ask

Don Arrup
Satire1 

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