Friday, December 16, 2016

Russian Prez Elect Trump Denies CIA Helped Him

After discussing plans to minefield their border against immigration from the former Soviet satellite countries, Demetri Trump dismissed reports in the capitalist press that Russian intelligence has evidence of American Central Intelligence tampering with his election.

“Hey, we fix our own elections here, thank you,” Trump said. “The Americans can’t even manage an honest election let alone a fixed one.”

Russian Enterprise Institute experts Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale agreed.

“We don’t have any of this secret ballot and shameful booth. Our elections are most open and free,” said Badenov. 

“The table, pen and ballot box is right out in the open in front of the firing squad where everybody can see.” Ms. Fatale added.  

“In America, everything is rigged- elections, courts, Wall Street, junior proms. It’s all the big fix,” said Trumpov. “In Russia, the will of the people is supreme and they want me to make all the decisions so I bow to the will of the people.”

Both Boris and Natasha used to work for the former Red House occupants Clintoffs (who they refer to as Moose and Squirrel) but switched allegiances when their new Fearless Leader emerged. “Trumposki will make Mother Russia great again,” boasted Boris. “We have an army of spies and soldiers and plenty of nukes. Diplomacy is for losers.”

“That is why Fearless Pompadour has appointed Russia’s top pump jockey to be Foreign Minister,” Natasha snarled, referring to black market energy mobster and Godfather of X-ON, Rox Tillev. “All he needs now is some backwater clown to be Energy Minister. The Red Army and KGBeen will take care of everything else.”

Don Arrup
Satire1


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